Dating

16 Shocking Vietnamese Dating Mistakes That Ruin Men’s Dating Lives

Intro

Ever been on a date with a beautiful Vietnamese girl and everything seems to be going well but then you do something that you think works (at least in the west) but it doesn’t have the intended reaction this time around?

Your date looks furious, yells at you, and then storms off into the night, never to be heard from again.

Your left sitting there, scratching your head on what you could have possibly done to turn the girl off and ruin the date.

I know I have, countless times. From the time where I didn’t contact the girl enough times to have her go into auto-rejection, to other times where I moved too quickly on my date when she wasn’t primed and ready to make things happen.

There are some elements to game that can be imported to anywhere in the world such as confidence, ability to lead, being charming and attractive, but then there are other’s that shouldn’t be imported at all.

In today’s article, I’m going to be discussing 16 Shocking Vietnamese dating mistakes that ruin men’s dating lives with Vietnamese girls. These are the following:

  1. Agreeing to group dates
  2. Not being selective when taking advice from locals
  3. Going dutch on dates
  4. Taking girls to expensive places on first dates
  5. Not screening girls
  6. Investing too much time into low interest girls
  7. Using western style game here
  8. Not bothering to learn her culture and language
  9. Not being a gentleman
  10. Not leading
  11. Being too aggressive out in public
  12. Moving too fast towards sex on initial dates
  13. Thinking introductions to girls through social circle is safe
  14. Trying to play it cool
  15. Not setting expectations properly from the beginning
  16. Not getting your logistics down

Agreeing to Group Dates

I made this classic mistake on my first date here when I came back to Vietnam for the second time. The girl was a cute 19 year old university student that I had met promoting seaweed out at a local market on a weekend day. She initially was very attracted to me but also very shy being as young as she was. However, due to her lack of experience dating and it being a cold approach, she felt the need to arrange a group date with me.

At that time, I stupidly agreed to it due to a fear of a lack of understanding of the local dating culture and because I took the advice of one of my aunt’s who claimed to know what she was saying claiming that I need to do group dates first because she wasn’t comfortable enough with me yet. We’ll get to that second point in a minute though. I should have listened to my instincts instead which said NO GROUP DATES EVER but I let my doubts get the better of me.

What transpired later was a total mess. My date showed up an hour late to our date. She did have the common courtesy to text me before hand to let me know though. Luckily, I selected a venue only a 5 minute walk from my hotel which meant I was able to do other things while waiting for her. My aunt however, thought I should have waited at the venue for the girl no matter how long it took and it killed my chances with her. Thinking back to it now, she’s delusional and I never should have listened to her.

When I arrived at the venue, I saw her along with 3 of her friends. They had all ordered their drinks already and paid for it so I just grabbed a drink myself and proceeded to go sit with them.

What ensued was awkwardness and a steady decline in interest from her. I spent close to 1.5 hours entertaining her friends and building rapport with them, as well as trying to game my date with my limited Vietnamese at the time. My date was all shy and not very talkative, especially in front of her friends. Even though her friends liked me (one soon left after seeing that I was a nice guy, and the other two switched to talking amongst themselves to give us some alone time), the damage was done.

I had planned on her friends all leaving later on, and just leaving the two of us together. I would have then switched venues with her to further game her. Unfortunately, she had rode on a motorbike with one of her friends so we couldn’t even have any alone time. Another mistake on her part due to a lack of experience.

What I should have done was either cancel the group date and arrange a date one on one with her, or just had a quick group date with them and ended things early and hope to schedule a second one soon afterwards.

Never agree to group dates ever…unless you’ve already been sleeping with the girl. At that point it doesn’t really matter too much anymore since she’s already yours.

Not only will you have to build rapport with her friends and get them to like you, you will also need to pay attention to your date and maintain her interest level in you. You’ll be working overtime, and for what? Your not gonna even be able to take her home that night.

Its just a waste of time to do it. You can’t seduce her, you can’t isolate her, you can’t even pull her. If you managed to pull a good date off through a herculean effort, you’ll be on her friends best sides and get their approval but not be able to sleep with her that night but if you mess up like me, your toast.

But seriously though, you shouldn’t be meeting your dates friends so early on. This should be saved for when your more serious and looking to be in a relationship with her. Also if your playing the field and seeing multiple girls at the same time, its definitely a bad idea, as her friends now can act as an extra pair of eyes for her.

In the unfortunate event that her friends see you outside with another girl, expect all hell to break loose the next time you talk with her.

Don’t make the same mistake that I did. Stick to one-on-one dates only!

Vietnamese dating mistakes group date

Not being selective when taking advice from locals

This point goes back to my previous example. Be very careful who you take advise from, even if they are a local and think they understand the dating culture there. This point is more so true when it comes to taking dating advice from women. Nearly almost 100% of the advice that I have gotten from females including my own mother has been utter crap and doesn’t work (sorry mom).

Because of doubts within myself that perhaps I have a lack of understanding of the local customs here egged on by my aunt, I was pretty much walking into a no win situation. I should have trusted in myself and my previous experience with women, no matter where I was in the world. I also failed to look at it rationally.

How much experience did my aunt have with dating?

How many other people did she help successfully in the past?

Did anyone else also mention doing this here?

etc…

If you meet some lady-killer while your here then that’s one thing. But if your taking dating advice from someone who probably hasn’t had more than 1-2 relationships in there whole life, then your taking a huge gamble with their advice.

old lady sitting down

Going Dutch on Dates

Needless to say, don’t be a cheap ass, at least not on the first few dates.

Unlike in the west where women claim to want to be treated as an equal and are smart independent woman that are capable of providing for themselves (btw it’s all a lie too, they will claim they want male chivalry and want you to pay as well), things don’t work like that here. Over here if your the man, then your paying on the first few dates.

Try going dutch with a few girls and then come back here and tell me if you got any follow up dates afterwards.

Paying for the girl on dates shows her that you can provide for her and makes her trust in you. This does not mean however that its a shopping free for all and she can take you to the most expensive posh places around Vietnam to empty your wallet. Know the difference.

If your going on a date with a Vietnamese girl, your paying, no exceptions!

splitting the bill

Taking Girls to Expensive Places on First Dates

I was guilty of making this mistake on numerous occasions in the past.

Take a girl to an expensive restaurant and soon she will expect you to continue doing this until eternity. If you stop, she will accuse you of not loving her anymore or other things that she’s concocted from her brain.

Also, by taking her to expensive places, how do you know she’s really into you for you, or your wallet?

This makes screening for gold diggers hard.

To learn more about identifying gold diggers click here.

On the first date, do something casual with her like go for a coffee.

Find out more on where to take girls on first dates here.

It helps keep costs down, allows you to screen for gold diggers, and also if your really not feeling it, you can just bail after the drink is over.

Low pressure, low cost, and reduces flaking.

You can thank me later and buy me a beer 🙂

eating at expensive restaurant

Not screening girls

This point goes hand-in-hand with the last point. Be extremely vigilante in screening girls, especially in Vietnam where there is a huge wealth inequality between the rich and the poor. When your poor here, your really poor!

I wasted countless hours going on dates with girls that were just looking for a meal ticket.

Some of them even had the audacity to ask me to go take them shopping and eat at expensive restaurants even before we had met. I had to get rid of a tonne of girls because I sensed they were trying to gold dig off of me.

The topic of money should never become a topic on a first date or even initial contact with the girl. If it is, its time to say bye bye.

“Hey, how much do you pay for rent?” NEXT!

“Hey, can we eat at this more expensive place instead?” NEXT!

“How much money do you make on your job?” NEXT!

“Your so handsome and nice, me love you long time. let’s get married.” NEXT!

Investing Too Much Time into Low Interest Girls

We’re all been guilty of this at one point or another. Instead of using our precious time looking for new high interest leads, we pour hours and days into some chick that is low interest and was just looking for validation online.

These are the girls that you match with on tinder or some other dating app, but when you send her texts, she usually gives you 1 or 2 word replies back and doesn’t ask you back any questions. They are also wishy washy about meetups.

Don’t waste your time with these girls. Just drop them immediately. If she starts giving you 1 or 2 word replies, after the second time she does it, just drop her ass.

time waster tinder girl

Using Western Style Game on Vietnamese Girls

You know all that bullshit clowning around amusing the girl stuff that we had to do back home in North America? Well, throw it all out the window. It doesn’t work here, in fact, it just makes you look like an ass to the local girls. I’ve lost countless Vietnamese girls because I tried to employ the cocky and funny overly confident style of game that girls in the west seem to love.

Only problem is over here, it repels girls faster then you can say hello.

Also don’t go overboard with the teasing. Be very careful when employing teasing as girls are not used to this style of humor. Sarcasm isn’t well received neither.

Don’t make the same mistake that I did, drop the clowning act and start talking to her like a normal person.

Vietnamese dating mistakes girl staring at vase

Not Bothering to Learn Her Culture and Language

A lot of foreign guys come into Vietnam thinking they are a big shot and that girls will just drop down on their knees and start sucking them off just because of their passport and skin color. A month later they go online and bitch about it that they can’t get any girls here except maybe gold diggers.

Girls aren’t just going to come chasing after you just because of your passport and skin color unless they have ulterior motives aka. gold digging or visa chasing. If your looking to get with a Vietnamese girl, especially the more prettier ones, your gonna have to bring more to the table and that includes learning about her culture and even the local language.

This means not being a loud mouthed disrespectful drunk ass and showing respect to the locals, especially the girls parents.

Plus learning the language allows you to know when they are talking shit about you too and that can’t be a bad thing right?

To learn more about Vietnamese dating culture, click here.

Not Being a Gentlemen

In the west, if you act like a nice guy and gentleman towards your date, you easily get friend-zoned and not taken seriously as a dating prospect. However, over here in Vietnam, its quite the opposite.

Acting like an asshole towards the opposite sex doesn’t earn you any brownie points, and neither does being overly confident. I was called arrogant and cocky by the first couple patches of girls that I pursued because I thought that’s what women like, or at least in the west.

Once I picked up on this and switched strategies to a more down to earth nice guy approach, my results with the ladies skyrocketed.

Doing something like holding the door for the girl, walking on the side of traffic, or giving her a boutique of flowers on international women’s day goes a long way, unlike in the west where they are overly entitled and take these things that men do for them for granted.

So forget the teasing, don’t act overly confident, and just treat her like a gentlemen. She’ll be head over heels in love with you soon enough.

Vietnamese dating mistakes gentleman

Not Leading

A few years back, I remember sitting in a bus on the way to the doctor’s office when I noticed a couple that had just sat down a few feet away from me. I could see that the guy was being overly affectionate and needy. He kept on trying to grab his girlfriend’s hand and hold it while snugging up tightly against her.

I was appalled by his behavior, as was his girlfriend who had this look of disgust glued onto her face. When the couple had left coincidentally at the same time as me, I could see that the girl was walking in front of the guy as he trailed her and ran up to catch up with her, grabbing a hold of her hand tightly as he could as if fearing to lose her.

I am sure everyone that saw that pathetic display of manhood knew who was wearing the pants in that relationship.

Unless your dating a red haired tattooed up angry feminist that has more testosterone then you do, nearly everywhere in the world that you visit, your expected to lead as a man.

This is especially true in Vietnam where traditional gender roles are still very much alive today.

If you fail to lead, then you lose respect from the girl that your dating. Soon enough, she will run into the arms of another man that knows how to lead.

Being Too Aggressive out in Public

With western women, they expect the man to be confident and go for what he wants. This means being aggressive with her like grabbing her and pulling her in for a kiss during the date, or touching her often while out in public such as holding her hand or cupping her shoulders.

These things are perfectly acceptable over in the west assuming she likes you. In fact, she will think what’s wrong with this guy and lose respect and interest in you if you don’t make a move on her.

I lost countless girls in the past because I didn’t have the confidence and experience at the time to make moves on the girl even while out in public when the time was right and as a result the girls found another guy.

However unlike dating western women, in Vietnam public displays of affection are frowned upon. If others see you being overly aggressive with the girl out in public, then she will lose face and perhaps maybe even be shamed for it. People may even think she’s a hooker.

In addition, a lot of Vietnamese girls are very shy and socially awkward with strangers. It takes time to make them comfortable enough with strangers. If you go all out with guns blazing, especially in public, you will simply scare her off and never hear from her again.

It’s perfectly fine to do this in the confines of your bedroom while the two of you are alone, but out in public its a big no no.

She probably won’t allow you to let things get above hand holding or cupping her shoulders while out in pubic.

kiss at sunset

Moving Too Fast Towards Sex on Initial Dates

Foreign guys are used to sleeping with women very quickly. Some girls give it up after the first night together, while others have a 3 date rule.

Well I’m here to tell you that these rules don’t apply here in Vietnam, at least for the majority of the girls. You will occasionally luck out and find yourself a slut that is perfectly ok with a one night stand.

Its probably something like a 5-6 date rule, maybe 3-4 if your game is good. For others less fortunate they won’t get any action until the wedding day!

This has the been the bain of many foreign men’s existence here in Vietnam.

It’s not a sprint here, but a marathon.

Moving too fast will get you called out for being a sex fiend only interested in sleeping with the girl and soon she will lose interest in you and never see you again.

No means no

Thinking Introductions to Girls Through Social Circle is Safe

I have an uncle living abroad that was introduced to a Vietnamese girl living here in Vietnam through a friend and co-worker. The Vietnamese girl was his co-worker’s wife’s sister.

Due to his thirstiness and foolishness, he was convinced that this chick was the one and that it was safe because the girl was being introduced through his friend. Shortly after being introduced to her, he flew to Vietnam on a whim, and stayed there for a month and married her.

When he returned he quickly got to work, sponsoring her visa to come over to North America. Soon after arriving and becoming legally married to him, she made up some BS excuse about domestic abuse, and got divorced from him, all within 1 year of coming there.

My uncle had been had. He became a broken man, not even resembling an ounce of his former self. To this day, he has sworn off dating girls, especially Vietnamese girls because of this one life changing experience. But the girl isn’t entirely to blame for everything.

My uncle should have done his due diligence and spent more time getting to know the girl and her background, instead of jumping head first into a sinking ship bound to take him down with it.

This is another situation that I encountered myself personally. When I first arrived here in Vietnam, I had a woman who delivered groceries to my aunt see me a few times. I soon learned from my aunt that the woman had an 18 year old daughter that she wanted to introduce to me. I knew at that time that it was customarily for locals to try and hook you up with people that they know so I didn’t think too much of it.

Soon I found myself on a short coffee date with her daughter. The girl was boring and had no interests in anything at all except sleeping in. I also did not find her particularly special and quite plain. In addition, she showed no interest in me whatsoever. I did however, discover that she had a ex-boyfriend from Singapore. Yellow flag perhaps?

After the date ended, I told my aunt I was done with the chick but my aunt kept on insisting that I see her again to give it another chance as the girl was quite young and inexperienced.

So I arranged a second date with her at mall, and as expected, things didn’t pan out that well for us. She showed practically no interest in me, and was extremely boring. I was turned off and told my aunt this time I was done for good. I never contacted the girl again as I didn’t want to lead her on, and I could also tell she wasn’t interested in me.

To learn more about how to tell if a Vietnamese girl is interested in you, click here to read this article.

About 2 weeks later, I bump into the girl’s mom at the local market by coincidence. The girl’s mother practically corners me, asking me why haven’t I asked her daughter out again. I made up some bs excuse that I was busy and got outta there soon after.

However this didn’t stop the girl’s mother from further harassing me. About another week goes by, and then one day I get a message request on facebook from the girl’s mom. She asked me again why haven’t I contacted her daughter to see her again.

This time, seeing as it was futile to delay it any further and that perhaps this woman couldn’t take a hint, I straight up told her that I didn’t think we were compatible and that language would be a issue.

Also keep in mind that I never even heard a blimp from this women’s daughter despite us having gone out on two dates already. This confirmed that she wasn’t into me. In 9/10 times, if you have a good date with a girl and she is interested in you, you will get a message from her after the date or sometime down the line within 3-5 days max.

Her mother again was trying to bully me into seeing her daughter again by using manipulation saying if I really like her daughter then I need to give it more time. It seemed to me that her mother was more concerned about her daughter dating me then her daughter herself was. This was a huge red flag.

I knew then immediately what was up. I didn’t bother to answer the women back because I was done with the discussion. Within 30 minutes, this woman was voice calling me on facebook. I handed the phone to my aunt and told her, this was her doing and that she now needs to take care of it.

After a grueling 30 minute long conversation on the phone with this woman, my aunt finally got her to relent.

Just because some girl is being introduced to you by someone you know or someone your relatives know, doesn’t necessarily mean that the person has your best intentions at heart. You need to seriously think about why they would want to introduce the girl to you, her motives for dating you, and other secrets she may have.

Trying to Play It Cool

I had a few girls that I was seeing in the past all tell me the same thing in different iterations.

“You didn’t text me today. You don’t care about me.”

You see, in the west being needy and clingy repels chicks like no tomorrow. However, in Vietnam its completely different. Your actually expected to be needy and clingy and if you don’t act the part, expect the girl to accuse you of not caring about her.

zalo conversation
Basically she says I don’t care about her because I didn’t ask her about her day

This holds true especially once your in a relationship with the girl. Clinginess and neediness is seen in a positive light as a way of showing someone that you care about them. In the west, you can go a whole week without talking to your girl and when you do resume communications with her, everything is like Tuesday.

If you choose however to instead play it cool and only text her when you want to hang out, expect to lose the girl 9/10 times.

Caveat: Don’t be needy and clingy at the onset of the courtship phase. Keep your cool and remain calm. Only text the girl to either build a little rapport to get her out or just go straight for the kill and ask her out. Don’t spent everyday becoming texting buddies with her until you’ve slept with her.

Vietnamese dating mistakes playing it too cool

Not Setting Expectations Properly in the Beginning

A lot of guys think that once you’ve got the girl, you can just slack off and not maintain what you were previously doing. This includes things like flirting with her, putting effort into your appearance, or god forbid texting/calling/videochatting with her everyday.

Later on, they notice that their girl starts becoming more and more bitchy and nagging at them constantly.

“You don’t care about me anymore.” The girl will say to the guy.

Soon afterwards, they get into a big fight and break up and the guy is left dumbfounded as to what he did that caused the breakup.

The reason lies in the expectations of the relationship. Know that once you start doing something with her regularly, your expected to maintain it indefinitely.

if you text or videocall with her everyday for hours on end, expect her to expect you to keep this up, otherwise she will claim that you don’t care about her anymore or even accuse you of seeing someone else.

I made this same blunder a few times in the past where I put a lot of effort into courting the girl only to decrease my efforts later on once I got the girl. The girl obviously got pissed at me and accused me of not caring about her but it was too late to backtrack.

Nowadays I try to keep texting to a minimum and vary my reply time. I also don’t videochat and rarely do voice calls with girls. In addition, I only reward the girl with a nice evening at a more expensive restaurant once in a while, instead of frequently as some men do. This helps keep the drama down and makes it seem like everything is just fine. If I want to progress things, then I can just slowly up the antics.

Just know that anything that you do from the onset, your expected to maintain it or even increase the activities later. Don’t let her use it as a weapon against you. Start off small and work your way up.

Not Getting Your Logistics Down

There’s nothing worst then having a flawless date with your girl and getting her hot and heavy only to get cockblocked because of shitty logistics.

Its happened to me on more than 1 occasion here.

It doesn’t matter how smooth you are with the ladies, nor how much money you’ve spent on her for the night, if you don’t got your logistics down pat then your toast.

Unlike in the west, logistics can be a nightmare here in Vietnam. As there are far more external factors that are out of your control.

You got to deal with nosy neighbors that love to stare and gossip at you and perhaps even rat you out.

You got to contend with hotels not allowing you to bring girls back to your place unless your a married couple and can prove it with papers.

To make matter’s worse, a lot of hotels especially the smaller mom and pop ones have curfews where they lock the front door.

If you somehow managed to slip past the front door after the curfew, then you still got to deal with the security guard giving you dirty looks for bringing a girl back to your room. In a best case scenario, he may pretend he didn’t see you or ask just for the girl’s ID card but in the worse case scenario, he may even cockblock you and deny your girl access which pretty much ruins everything.

Figure out your logistics before you go on your dates.

Logistics

Conclusion

In this article, I have summarized 16 shocking Vietnamese dating mistakes that ruin men’s dating lives with Vietnamese girls. To recap things, the 16 mistakes are:

  1. Agreeing to group dates
  2. Not being selective when taking advice from locals
  3. Going dutch on dates
  4. Taking girls to expensive places on first dates
  5. Not screening girls
  6. Investing too much time into low interest girls
  7. Using western style game here
  8. Not bothering to learn her culture and language
  9. Not being a gentleman
  10. Not leading
  11. Being too aggressive out in public
  12. Moving too fast towards sex on initial dates
  13. Thinking Introductions to girls through social circle is safe
  14. Trying to play it cool
  15. Not setting expectations properly from the beginning
  16. Not getting your logistics down

If your not used to dating traditional Vietnamese girls, then there is a good chance that you may be making at least one of these mistakes.

Go through this list and see if there is anything that is hampering your results and work on improving it.

Hopefully with some preparation and practice, you too can avoid these dating pitfalls ruining your chances with Vietnamese girls.

Let me know down in the comments what sort of dating mistakes you have made with Vietnamese girls.

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