I had my first taste of dating a single mom in Vietnam a few years back. She was 25, worked at a buffet restaurant, was tall by Vietnamese standards, and looked cute.
A few years later, I met a gorgeous Vietnamese girl on a language exchange website where I was practicing my Vietnamese.
I was instantly infatuated with her and attempted to court her over a series of text exchanges and video chats.
I remember one time when I was walking her home, a group of rowdy local guys starting to whistle and make loud noises as we walked by them. This prompted her to turn around and give them “the stare”. She then proceeded to tell me stories about the numerous times that she had to deal with this.
This just gives you an idea of how hot she was.
To this day, she is arguable one of the hottest Vietnamese girls that I have ever dated.
But looks aren’t everything. I quickly found out that she was far too westernized, had way too much baggage, was unreliable, and was a bit mentally unstable.
I didn’t pursue things further with her after that.
A few months later yet again, I stumbled upon a single mom with an 8 year old daughter.
Vietnam is a land filled with lots of beautiful Vietnamese girls that come in all shapes and sizes.
If you’ve been dating around here in Vietnam for a while then no doubt you will inevitably run into a few single moms.
For some guys, the first girl that catches their eye could very well be a single mom.
I received an email from a fellow reader a while back in regards to possibly writing an article about what its like to date single moms in Vietnam.
Today, I’m going to share with you guys my experience having dated a few single moms here in Vietnam and what it was like.
The Kid Will Always Come First
When your dating a single mom know that her kid will always be her #1 priority.
If both you and her kid fell off a climb and were clinging for life, they would go and save them first without any hesitation.
Vietnamese mothers like all mothers will always tend to want to look after the well being of their offspring regardless of how many self sacrificing acts you have committed in the relationship such as supporting them financially and emotionally.
Not only that, but when you throw in her family and friends into the equation, plus some alone time for her then your pretty much delegated to spot #4 or #5 on her priority list.
I remember countless times when I was trying to schedule dates with a single mom, only for her to tell me that she is busy today because she needs to take her kid to do so and so, or her friends have asked her to hang out or that she has to cut our date short by 2 hrs because of her mother, etc.
It can be incredibly frustrating, especially if your trying to take things further with her.
Your expected to make her your priority, yet your #4 or 5 on her to do list.
Their Schedule Can Be Quite Busy and Hectic
Because she’s busy juggling around a kid, her schedule can be quite hectic. The hot single mom that I dated, was still a student in university, therefore she had to juggle between taking care of her kid, going to school, doing her assignments, hanging out with friends and family, going on dates with me, and also giving herself some personal space.
As you can see, this didn’t leave her with much time at all.
Now the good thing about this is since she has so little time available each day, it makes her much more serious about dating and not wasting her precious time.
If you schedule a date with her and then you cancel, you can bet your ass that she will give you hell for it. She’ll expect you to show up to every date that you make with her!
And because of her crazy schedule, don’t expect to be able to do a lot of spontaneous things with her.
Also forget about having her sleep over.
Its not gonna happen.
Now on the plus side of things, because she’s so busy with her life, you can expect to have a lot more freedom to do other things rather then have your lover stick to you like glue.
Want to go hang out with the boys?
You won’t be having nearly as much daily phone calls with a single mom as you would with another girl.
Expect to Get Flaked on a Lot
Flaking to a single mom is like second nature.
Because she has to juggle around a child along with her job or studies, a lot of things will come up unexpectedly from her. Therefore you should prepare to have her flake on you quite a bit.
See… There’s a bit of a double standard here.
On one hand, if you flake on her, you’ll get a mouth full from her, but on the other hand, your expected to let it slide and cut her slack if she ever flakes on you because she has a child.
Your always going to be expected to make concessions for her.
I remember dating single mom #2 and she would flake quite often. There would always be something related to her kid or her family.
And when I brought it up with her, she would always play the victim card and be like “but my son needs me.”, sort of thing.
After a while, this gets old.
Now I don’t know about you but I value my time very importantly. This was another reason why I didn’t bother seeing her anymore. The flaking behavior was just unacceptable to me.
If your dating a single mom, prepare to deal with a lot of flaking and always have a backup plan.
Can be Quite Independent
Due to having to raise a child, a single mom is naturally required to be more independent than your average Vietnamese girl.
She’ll need to learn how to take care of her kid, such as learning how to cook, how to disciple and rear a child, and a whole slew of other things.
You’ll most likely not encounter any childlike behavior nor any spoiled princess behavior from her neither.
Single mom’s know that they aren’t exactly cream of the crop when it comes to the dating scene, therefore, they can’t make unreasonable demands unlike some other girls spoiled princesses.
Most single mom’s that you encounter here in Vietnam will be quite mature for their age.
They Will Be More Closed Off and Have Trust Issues
Your patience will be tested to no end when your dating a Vietnamese single mom.
Due to her troubled past and previous mistakes in life, she will definitely put up a huge wall when you first meet her.
You’ll need to slowly earn her trust before she’s willing to let things progress further.
You can expect her to always put a stop when things start to get a little hot if you know what I mean.
Unlike some of the regular Vietnamese girls that get attached to you quite quickly and soon become needy, single mom’s on the other hand have a more aloof attitude when it comes to dating.
Due to her turbulent past, she may have some trust issues when it comes to forming intimate relationships with someone. There will always be omissions and parts of her past that she won’t want to share with you.
Your gonna need to put in the extra effort to convince her to open up to you.
Single mom #2 told me she was afraid of being judged the first time I figured out she was hiding the fact that she was a single mom.
Disciplining the Child Will Mainly Be Her Responsibility
Since the child isn’t yours, you won’t have the same privilege of disciplining her child if the child ever misbehaves.
Also consider this, her kid can also come back with a counter argument that since you aren’t their father, therefore they don’t need to listen to you. The kid’s mother may also support this way of thinking.
Think about it, if you ever marry her, her kid will be living under your roof and you’d be supporting them financially, yet you don’t have the same privileges associated with raising and teaching a child compared to one that is your own.
Unless she specifically asks for your help to discipline her child, its pretty much hands off for you unfortunately.
And lastly, but surely an extremely important point is whether or not you will even get along with her kid. Just imagine living in the same household with her kid yet they hate your guts.
Her Ex May or May Not Still Be Apart of the Picture
Whether or not she is living with her ex, you will need to accept the fact that her ex will always be apart of her and her son’s life.
They may have joint custody of the child and split up the amount of time each one spends with the child.
What this means is that expect to see her ex showing up to pick up their child at some point during the relationship.
Also depending on what the reasons were for the split up, the ex could very well try to get back together with her.
Single mom #3 had her Singaporean ex-husband always watching and checking up on her each day. He was caught at a KTV place by his ex-wife. One of the KTV girls foolishly answered his phone while he went to the washroom when his ex-wife called to check up on him.
He was trying to patch things up with his ex-wife yet she didn’t seem to have any intention of getting back with him but was more than happy to continuing receiving his monthly checks.
Whether you like him or not, he will always be in the picture in one way or another. Your going to need to accept this fact and live with it.
Realize that dating a single mom is a package deal. You buy one but you get 2 free, a kid and an ex.
Expected to Financially Support Her Child Eventually
If you become serious with her such as moving in together or even getting married, guess whose now gonna be on the hook for financially supporting her child?
While your still casually dating her, she’ll be happy to pay for her own kids things, but once your living under the same roof forget it.
She’s gonna be looking at your financial resources somewhere down the line if things get serious.
She wants to know that your financially capable of supporting her and her child.
Serious Relationships Only
Most single mom’s are only interested in having serious relationships with guys.
Single mom #3 once told me that she didn’t want to date me because I wasn’t serious and didn’t want to provide for her and her child.
Of course, not lady. I just frigging met you and I’m under no obligation to take care of another man’s child!
If your interested in ever dating a single mom make sure she knows that your serious about dating her otherwise you’ll repel them like bug spray.
With that being said however, you should never just blindly jump into a relationship with anyone regardless of how you feel.
If your dating a single mom, let her know that your willing to take things further and be in a serious relationship with her if things progress, however right now your both still trying to get to know each other and shouldn’t be pressured into making any rash decisions yet.
Also don’t feel pressured into feeling like you need to provide and support her child. Its not your responsibility to take care of another man’s child. You can do it if you really want to, but don’t let them try to guilt trip you into doing it.
Should you Date a Single Mom?
Well this will depend on you.
Are you looking for a serious relationship with a mature Vietnamese women and your ready and willing to be looking after someone’s kid and perhaps be a father figure to them?
Or would you prefer to have less responsibilities, and have a more casual spontaneous relationship that can grow into something more serious without the added pressure?
For me personally, I would not do it again, especially considering the amount of cute Vietnamese girls all around Vietnam that you could otherwise be meeting without having to make any sort of compromises with them.
You also shouldn’t be dating one if you don’t intent on playing the long game in a relationship as it can be quite detrimental for the child’s mental health to see guys just pop in and out of his and his mother’s life frequently.
Where to Meet Single Moms?
If you decided that you would like to date a single mom, then here are a number of good places where you could potentially meet single mom’s:
This is arguably one of the easiest and best places to find a single mom to date in Vietnam. VietnamCupid has a tonne of single mom’s on there.
I remember receiving messages from no less than 5-6 single mom’s on VietnamCupid a month!
If you can’t speak Vietnamese then VietnamCupid would be your best bet as some of the women on there can speak English. You can also filter Vietnamese girls by the ability to converse in English under the search settings.
When your in your VietnamCupid account, you can easily filter for single mom’s by going into search and selecting whether or not they have a child.
With a basic free membership, you can browse and read profiles for free, however if you would like to communicate with a girl, you will need to get a premium membership.
To signup for a membership and start meeting single mom’s today, click here.
Social circle is a more hands off approach. You can basically go around the neighborhood asking friends and family if they know of any single girls that are interested in dating a foreigner. You will no doubt have a few people that will mention knowing someone with a child already, especially as you move up the dating age bracket and whether or not you’d be interested in meeting them.
Since someone is introducing you to the girl, your already being vouched for and will receive a more warm reception from the girl.
The only problem with using the social circle approach is that you can’t control the quality of the girls being introduced to you. Also if you keep on rejecting girls, people are going to start feeling like you don’t appreciate their efforts.
Furthermore, with this approach you may just end up getting introduced to average looking girls.
Shops and Restaurants
If you just simply walk around the neighborhood, I can almost guarantee you that you will run into at least 1 single mom here in Vietnam, just like how I did with single mom #1.
Now if your Vietnamese is good, you can quickly strike up a conversation with these girls that you see outside making a living working at street stalls or stores. Most of them are quite friendly and will be impressed by your ability to speak Vietnamese.
Now on the other hand if you can’t speak Vietnamese then luckily for you, I got you covered.
Here’s an article I wrote a while back covering some Vietnamese learning resources to help you learn Vietnamese.
However if you still don’t want to learn Vietnamese, then just stick with using VietnamCupid or having people introduce single mom’s to you.
Dating a single mom in Vietnam is a lot different then dating a regular Vietnamese girl.
For some men, they struggle to cope with these extra added responsibilities of dating a single mom, while other men embrace it with open arms.
In this article we looked at several dating issues that may arise from dating a single mom ranging from their flaky behavior, the ex being in the picture, their child being their #1 priority, trust issues, as well as their busy and hectic schedule, among other things.
In addition, we discussed whether dating a single mom is suitable for you and where to meet single moms in Vietnam.
At the end of the day, no one can really say whether or not dating a single mom is worth it. This really depends on you and what your looking for.
But if you do decide to date a single mom, just realize there is a lot of added responsibility that comes with the territory.