In today’s article, I’m going to talk about female auto rejection and the psychology behind it.
I’ve encountered more than a handful of auto rejections from females here in Vietnam.
One of my very first experience with it here in Vietnam was with a girl that worked at Phuc Long, a famous milk tea chain with tonnes of stores all over Vietnam.
Now, this girl, who I’m going to refer to as Phuc Long girl had the hots for me the second she laid eyes on me.
She would always smile at me and ask me a tonne of questions.
It didn’t take long for her to ask whether or not I was single and to invite me out for a coffee.
Unfortunately, I wasn’t really feeling her and was on the fence about it but still politely accepted the offer for a coffee.
After all, she had asked me out right in front of all her coworkers and me rejecting her would have made her lose a lot of face, not to mention making the situation really awkward.
However, once I gave her my number, she got super clingy and needy and kept on asking me why didn’t I come to Phuc Long to buy juice every day.
She became super insecure about it and then flaked on me on the day of the coffee date.
Can you believe that?
The girl that was super clingy and needy and was the one to invite me out for a date decided to flake on me.
She went into auto rejection.
I can recall a few other girls who I went out on 1-2 dates who also went into auto rejection.
We would have a great date and then the girl would reach out to me again either that evening or 1-2 days later thanking me for the date and hoping that I would ask them out again.
But I never did.
Some of them would make one last-ditch effort to throw hints at me to ask them out again while others would just unfriend me after a few weeks.
Now while I do feel a little bad about not asking them out again and getting their hopes up, there was a reason why I never asked them out again vs girls that got subsequent dates with me.
And that’s due to heavy photoshopping of their online photos and being misled about how they really look like.
I’ve had dates with girls that had super clean complexions on their photos that showed up to dates with a tonne of acne scattered all over their faces that they attempted to mask by emptying an entire bottle of foundation on their face that made them look like a cream puff.
Others have used weird angles to conceal their heights only to then show up wearing 7-inch heels and being nearly a foot shorter than me.
Some of them even had busted up teeth that they hid by never smiling in any photos at all.
Luckily though, most of these girls that I met that went into auto rejection have been girls that I have been on the fence about or wasn’t that into.
I had screwed up enough times in the past with other girls that I actually liked that I had learned my lesson to always make things happen with girls that I liked quickly.
For those of you guys out there that love to take your sweet ass time with women or are completely oblivious to the signs women give to tell you that they like you, you’ll undoubtedly become a regular victim of auto rejection from girls.
If you need help on how to identify if a Vietnamese girl likes you, check out this article that I wrote.
Let’s now dive deeper into what auto rejection is and why does it happen with women.
What Is Auto Rejection and Why Does It Happen?
Female auto rejection is a term used in the dating and seduction community to refer to an instance when a female rejects a guy because he took too long to make things happen with her or if he is too out of reach for her.
This can come in the form of flaking on dates, rejecting future date invitations, being more difficult and less cooperative to be around or just going cold on you.
She goes into auto rejection as a way of coping with not being desired by a guy. It helps shield her ego from being hurt.
Typically what happens is a girl was initially interested in a guy but he failed to capitalize on this opportunity or maybe he just wasn’t sharing the same feelings as her, and thus he never bothered to pursue her.
This causes her to go into auto rejection whereby she rejects him instead to preserve her ego.
Think back to your own past and I’m sure you’ve had at least a few girls that were into you yet he never pursued any of them.
Overtime did you notice that their warmth and reception towards you changed?
Most likely, they went into auto rejection and lost interest in you.
You will typically see this happen in the following situations:
- Guy fails to move things forward with a girl. ie. arranging a date, kissing her on the date, becoming lovers with her, etc.
- Guys with a much higher value than the girl and are out of reach for her
- Guys being too gamey with a girl. ie. teasing her too much, being too distant or detached by playing it “cool”.
Strike While the Iron Is Hot
So now that we’ve discussed why auto rejection happens, let’s look at how to prevent it from ever happening in the first place.
In probably 9 out of 10 times, the remedy for staying out of auto rejection is to simply recognize when a woman is giving off signs that she is interested in you and then to make things happen with her.
Sometimes, even if she isn’t giving you any signals, it’s a far better strategy to just try anyway and move things forward with her regardless.
She will let you know accordingly whether or not she is interested in you.
Say for example, a girl is always smiling and looking at you and asking you a tonne of questions over an extended period of time, that’s your cue to ask for her number or to ask her out.
Fail to do this for a period of time and now suddenly she loses attraction for you.
In her mind, she’ll either think that you lack confidence or that you just don’t like her.
This also holds true for girls that you’ve previously gone out with on dates.
If you had a great date with her but didn’t follow up with her afterward, after a while she’ll also go into auto rejection and may even block you or unfriend you.
Another example is going in for the kiss when the time is right.
I must have lost countless females due to not having the confidence to go in for the kiss and inadvertently got the “let’s just be friends” speech afterward.
You see, when your dating a Vietnamese girl or any girl for that matter, you always need to be moving things forward with her.
Asking for her number -> Asking her out -> Holding her hands -> Kissing her -> Becoming Lovers -> Becoming a couple -> Moving in together/Marriage
She is always looking for advancement in the courtship and if you fail to make that happen, auto rejection kicks in.
Can you Reverse Auto Rejection?
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cureBenjamin Franklin
While it is possible, it will be much more difficult to reverse the damage since she has now gone cold on you and may even, in fact hate your guts for not making things happen with her.
It’s like trying to glue a broken porcelain vase back together after it’s been shattered into a million pieces.
You’re going to be in for an uphill battle.
But in case you do find yourself in this situation, here is what I would do:
Now depending on what you did that caused her to go into auto rejection, you will take different approaches.
1. You Failed to Ask Her Out on a Date
In this situation, she went into auto rejection because she thinks you’re not into her because you never made a move.
I would first try to get back into her periphery and radar and then from there start acting warm towards her again and see if she opens back up a little bit.
From there, I would tell her that I had meant to ask her to come check out this new coffee/restaurant/bar, etc with me but I got swamped with work/family matters and didn’t have any time. However, my schedule is less hectic nowadays and then extend an invitation out to her.
Going about it this way, you don’t appear needy and clingy which is one of the worse things you can do while a girl is losing interest in you and backing away, but rather it shows her that you were in fact interested in her but that some external factors in life got in the way of you getting together with her and that she may have misunderstood your intentions.
2. You Didn’t Make a Move on Her on the Date
Typically this happens when a guy chickens out of going for the kiss, holding her hand, or becoming lovers with her and then gets the let’s just be friends speech that women love to give to guys all the time.
In this case, she lost interest in you because she either thinks you don’t like her or lack the confidence to go after what you want in life or a combination of the two.
In her eyes, your value has dropped and going after her will only make your value slide further down the scale.
Instead, you need to use social proof and pre-selection to amp up your value again.
But don’t go out of your way to make her jealous as women are quite intuitive when it comes to these things and it will just cause even more drama.
Instead, you should let her see other people enjoy your company naturally, especially women.
This may be females that are eyeing or flirting with you within her periphery or perhaps one of her friends or relatives.
You don’t need to worry, she’ll find out about this through word of mouth.
Once you have social proof and pre-selection working in your favor, it’ll raise doubts in her mind about your low-value status and she’ll again become intrigued by you.
At this point, once she starts being warmer towards you again, it’s up to you to make things happen and not screw up a second time.
Because after that, your toast!
Female auto rejection is an issue that most men will encounter on their dating journey, especially when you are first starting out and don’t quite have the dating experience to have a good handle on it.
Fortunately, auto rejection from girls can easily be smashed to pieces simply by always trying to progress the relationship with a female.
I very rarely encounter this nowadays because I always try to push the interaction as far as I can go with girls that I like.
And you should too unless you want to get friend-zoned or watch some other guy swoop in and steal the girl away from you, you better start moving quicker with women when it comes to dating.
This means not being wishy-washy about what your intentions are with them.
If you like a girl, you should immediately make a move on her and not wait for miracles to happen.
It’s much better not to have to deal with auto rejection rather than trying to repair it once it’s already happened.
Remember its always better to try and strike out than to live a life of regret.