Giving a Vietnamese women compliments is a controversial subject.
If you do it right, you will elevate her mood by several folds and leave her feeling good for the whole day but if you do it wrong, you’ll be seen as weak and supplicating while inflating her ego.
“Oh, he’s just like all those other spineless orbiters that can only compliment me on my looks.”
And off you go, into her “like every other guy” bin, never to get a shot with her again.
Its not surprising then that there are a lot of men out there that are very anti-giving compliments to a woman.
They claim that if you give her compliments, it will lower your value in her eyes while putting her on a pedestal.
This causes that cutie that’s been attracted to you for the longest time and just waiting for you to ask her out to think that you don’t like her and lose interest in you.
Causes your girlfriend to start acting up and feeling insecure about your feelings towards her because she’s been starved of affection and attention, and soon arguments ensue whereby you will be accused of not caring about her at all, and never showing her any appreciation.
This has left many guys scratching their heads.
“If I compliment her, I’m screwed and if I don’t, I’m also screwed. So what am I supposed to do then?”
Well on today’s article, I’m going to talk about how to compliment a Vietnamese woman the right way so that your not left banging your head against the wall.
Let’s dive right in.
Complimenting in Vietnamese Culture
Before I start discussing how to compliment a Vietnamese girl, let’s discuss how compliments are used in Vietnamese society.
Flattery in Vietnamese culture is like second nature for Vietnamese people.
Often times people will be called things like handsome, beautiful, or smart by neighbors, business partners, relatives, customers, etc.
Although the person receiving these compliments is flattered and gets a little boost to their egos, they also don’t let it get to their heads and believe every word that is said to them.
To give you some examples of this:
Example #1: Your sitting outside and eating at a street food stall when suddenly an old lady comes up to you and starts telling you how handsome you are and to please buy a lottery ticket. You know she’s bullshitting you and that you are in fact not as handsome as she claims, however it strokes your ego a bit so you end up purchasing one or a few tickets from her.
Example #2: One time while eating my aunt’s food that she had cooked earlier, she came right up to me to ask me how her food tasted. I pretty much lied straight to her face with a sly grin 😅 that her food was the best that I had ever eaten here in Vietnam even thought it was not very good at all. She knew I was bullshitting her and asked me if I was telling the truth or not with a huge grin on her face. I of course said I was indeed telling the truth, while my father was saying “You said the right thing”. My aunt knew her food wasn’t the best yet she loved the compliment and it made her feel good.
Focus Less on Superficial Things
It’s quite easy to compliment someone on their looks.
Its cliche, lazy, and kind of creepy if not done right.
In fact, for most thirsty spineless guys that’s usually the first words outta there mouth upon seeing a beautiful Vietnamese girl.
What do you think the odds are that these guys actually got that girl out on a date?
Since their message to her is pretty generic like every other supplicating doormat out there, how does she know who to pick out out of that pathetic bunch of guys?
To separate yourself from these men, you need to be different!
If you really want to pack a punch into your compliments, make a compliment about something else besides her physical appearance.
Most guys are either too lazy or stupid to do this.
If your the first guy in a while that actually gave her a real sincere genuine compliment on something else besides her looks, she’ll be taken aback and feel quite flattered.
This works especially well on really good looking girls, since they are so used to having tonnes of guys all ass kicking her, telling her how beautiful she is.
I bet you none of those guys have ever mentioned anything about her personality before, and if they did, its probably something along the lines of:
“I can tell by how beautiful you are, that you must have the heart of a angel and be really kind.”
Here are some classic examples to reinforce what I just said:
The guys knows nothing about her yet are making generalizations about her again based off of her looks.
Does being good looking automatically make someone kind, smart and have a good personality?
I would think most people would disagree with that statement, yet here we have guys making these blank comments about her personality without a shred of evidence to back it up. Its completely based off of her looks.
It just looks fake, like the guy is just saying those things to try and get into her pants.
Rather then follow all those pathetic thirsty chumps and use generic compliments about her looks, I want you to compliment her on something else.
These could include:
- Her personality (i.e. funny, adventurous, smart)
- Her actions (i.e. buys you a gift on your birthday, cooks you dinner)
- Her hobbies (i.e. likes to read books to enrich her mind, works out at the gym)
Maybe she’s very dependable and reliable and there hasn’t been a single time where she has let you down before.
Or maybe she makes the best Vietnamese food you’ve ever tasted.
In those cases, you would compliment her on how dependable she is or how great of a cook she is.
Not only will this make you stand out from all of those suckers talking about her looks, it will also act as a reward mechanism for her to entice her to do it again in the future.
When to Compliment Her on Her Appearance
Unless she did something to her physical appearance lately like get a haircut, or look like a millionaire bucks compared to her regular self on a date with you, I wouldn’t recommend you compliment her on her looks.
Basically until you’ve been actually dating her would I recommend that you start complimenting her on her looks, and even then I would be cautious about how often I give her these types of compliments.
And if you do decide to compliment her on her looks, make sure that your specific about what it is about her looks that you like.
Maybe she got a new pair of milky white pearl earrings that compliments her red silk dress really well.
Maybe she has been on a diet lately and has been working hard at the gym and now has a really slim and toned figure.
Basically if you notice anything that she put a lot of effort into, send a detailed compliment her way.
There’s one final thing I want to mention about complimenting a girl on her looks:
Complimenting a girl on her looks from a position of power or status goes a lot further then doing it when your a bum or low value male.
If your a higher value guy then her, say for example a heartthrob movie actor and you go up to a plane Jane or a cute girl and you give her a compliment on her looks, it will actually be quite powerful and often times the girl will suddenly blush and become shy. Her attraction level for you will spike upwards.
Now if on the other hand a beg packer tried the same thing to a promotion girl that they saw walking by, he would most likely get rejected by her.
When your much higher value then the opposite sex, often times a lot of rules can be thrown out the window, or your given a lot more leeway, however if your just an average Joe, or worse below average, then the smallest mistake can cost you dearly.
This is why I always preach that guys try to make themselves more attractive to women. Not only will you be able to attract a better quality partner, you also have more room for errors or they won’t apply to you at all.
Give Genuine Compliments
If you’ve ever dated a lot of Vietnamese girls then you will know that some of them are very good at sweet talking with guys and giving them praise and compliments to stroke the guy’s ego.
A fat middle-aged slob that hasn’t showered in a week dressed like a hobo will suddenly think he’s handsome because a Vietnamese girl kept on calling him “đẹp trai”.
What he doesn’t realize is that she’s playing on his vanity to get what she wants out of him.
Now put yourself in her shoes and knowing what you know now, how would you feel about having hordes of desperate thirsty guys all telling you how beautiful you are.
You would get a little suspicious too right?
“Why is he telling me these things? Oh that’s right, he just wants to get into my pants.”
This is exactly how she feels when all these guys are making fake insincere compliments about her.
When you give a Vietnamese girl a compliment, make sure its a genuine compliment and not one of those fake compliments that every other guy says to her.
Maybe you got sick one day from eating some unhygienic street food and developed a bad case of food poisoning and she spent the whole day over at your place, taking real good care of you.
Or perhaps, she always remembers to buy your favorite dish and bring it over to you every time she comes over.
Whatever it is, she’ll definitely appreciate the sincere compliment your giving her.
Use Em When Addressing Her
If your addressing a Vietnamese girl that you like by something else like “Cô or Chị” then your doing it wrong.
I don’t care whether she’s older or if you’ve just met her and aren’t quite close with her yet.
You should start addressing any Vietnamese girl that your interested in as “Em”.
This does 2 things for you:
- If she’s older than you, and your addressing her as em, your essentially flattering her by telling her how young she is. Most women will feel flattered by this.
- By calling her em you establish a sort of intimate relationship with her because “em” is usually reserved for couples.
Nowadays whenever I met a girl that I find attractive, I immediately start calling her em. It doesn’t matter whether she might look a little older than me or not. This establishes the right frame from the beginning, and if she is indeed older than me by a few years, she will be flattered that I referring to her as a younger girl. I’m essentially complimenting her on looking younger.
Also, you should never under any circumstances refer to your girlfriend as “Cô”. She will most likely be upset by this because she considers that you don’t view your relationship with her as close and intimate.
Only when wanting to address a female whether younger or older than you in a polite and formal manner should you consider using “Cô”.
A word of warning though: If you choose to use “Em” when addressing a Vietnamese women, make sure that she is not more than a few years older than you, otherwise you will be seen as being impolite. Don’t be an idiot and go around Vietnam calling 80 year ladies that you see on the streets “em”. Its very impolite.
Try this out next time your speaking with a Vietnamese girl that your attracted to. It’s a neat little way of complimenting her in a subtle way that’s not quite as strong and direct as telling her how beautiful she is, yet shows a bit of finesse and understanding towards her culture.
In this article we talked about how to compliment a Vietnamese woman.
We looked at why complimenting her on her looks is not a good idea, and what sort of compliments we should give her instead such as ones on her personality or unique features about her.
In addition, we discussed how to use the pronoun “em” to compliment a Vietnamese girl in a more subtle way and establish an intimate relationship right from the get go.
Giving women compliments should not have to feel like nuclear physics.
Some men give little if any at all to women that they are dating, while others go way overboard feeling compelled to compliment every single girl that they see and telling her how beautiful she is.
I want you to be neither one of these types of guys.
But rather instead the type of guy that she only gets the opportunity to meet once in a while in her lifetime.