Today I thought I’d write about something a little different since I’ve been receiving some emails from readers that have been asking me for some tips in the realm of self-improvement.
I would like to start off this new series of articles talking about the importance of being comfortable with being uncomfortable.
Learning how to deal with being uncomfortable and still going through with it on a regular basis has been one of the most important lessons that I have learned in life.
It’s one of the reasons why you actually got this blog to read articles on or videos to watch on my youtube channel.
These weren’t things that I was particularly comfortable doing, but I learned to accept that being uncomfortable would be the price that I would have to pay in order to acquire new skills and to grow.
The same situation applies to dating as well.
I had to go through a very uncomfortable phase while I was learning this stuff and I’m glad that I stuck with it, rather than throwing in the towel like most guys do when confronted with difficulty and discomfort.
And this is exactly what happened with a former close friend of mines.
How My Friend Lives a Life of Mediocrity
I had a close friend that I knew since high school.
He wasn’t particularly good with women and neither was I at a time.
Both of our dating lives sucked ass.
But I decided one day that I was going to change this part of my life and was committed to learning game and getting better with women, no matter what, even if it meant getting rejected hundreds of times by women and putting myself in extremely uncomfortable situations.
I made a promise to myself that I was going to get this part of my life handled and that I would never throw in the towel.
As soon as word got out about my new endeavors and our same social circle group of friends started bringing up the topic about how I was making all of these new profound changes in my life, my friend decided he wanted to tag along.
He kept on going on and on about how I inspired him to make these changes in his life and so he started tagging along with me on my self-improvement journey.
Whenever I went shopping for new clothes to update my wardrobe, he would come along.
Whenever I was about to go out to try and meet women, he would ask me if he could come with me as well.
He told me that he badly wanted to get this part of his life handled just like me.
But do you know what soon happened?
While I continued to plow through despite obstacles and feeling extremely uncomfortable learning all of these new techniques and skills with women, such as cold approaching a girl on the street, he quit at the first sign of discomfort.
I guess he really didn’t value getting this part of his life handled as much as he claimed.
It was all talk, because if he did want to get this part of his life handled then he would have continued on and discovered his true potential and have an abundance of women at his fingertips right now.
Rather than trying to grow and step outside of his comfort zone and experience the rewards that it offered, he shriveled and ran away like a little girl.
He quit and threw in the towel.
He then tried to protect his ego by making up all sorts of excuses saying how this or that doesn’t work, blah blah blah…
He literally only spoke to no more than a dozen or so women during that period of time when he decided to tag along with me and that was only because I gave him crap for chickening out and not opening his mouth with women.
His sample size was so small that he couldn’t realistically be saying whether or not learning game worked.
Later on, when I started to get a better handle on dating and seduction and even landed myself dates with some attractive girls, he got jealous and insecure and started to crap on my successes so I stopped talking to him.
Now fast forward to a few years later and he’s now married to a woman that resembles Rebel Wilson.
While I went on to date a sizable amount of attractive females, he ended up married to mediocrity.
Because of his desire to always want to be comfortable, he inadvertently robbed himself of the chance to get further with women and date women that guys could only dream about dating.
Instead, he sold himself short and settled with a mediocre woman because he wasn’t willing to grow and step outside of his comfort zone.
Most Guys Are Wimps
Most guys that you will encounter in your everyday life are wimps and weaklings.
They don’t have the mental fortitude and tenacity to push through when the going gets tough.
Rather than choosing their own path in life and having the courage to pursue it despite what society says, they instead settle for mediocrity and complacency because it makes them feel comfortable.
This is one of the reasons why the dating industry has thrived, it’s because you have guys that are too chicken to open their mouth when they see an attractive girl that they like.
It’s the reason why guys are stuck working at dead-end jobs, wasting their youth and life away to be a wage slave, making the big man the big bucks while they earn a pittance.
Rather than taking the risk of starting a business and potentially making millions or more, most guys just settle for the “safe” option.
But as we are seeing right now with the recent worldwide pandemic, there isn’t really a safe option, as companies go belly up and need to close up shop, or employees get axed so that the company share prices remain high.
I have some friends that lost their jobs working at retail stores or as an office worker at some of the big banks because of the pandemic.
“But people told me this was the safe option”, my friends would tell me.
Safe my ass!
I would argue that starting your own business so that you have control over everything would be the safer option, especially if you can start a business with very low overhead and expenses such as an internet business.
But how many guys do you ever see have the courage to do something like this?
My guess is probably 10% or less of the guys you meet would ever consider doing this.
Even with working out at the gym, I still see the same thing.
A newbie shows up at the gym with his buddy, gets a good vigorous workout in then quits a week later because he felt really sore and uncomfortable for a few days after his workout.
What a wimp!
He might as well go back to playing with barbie dolls and putting on dresses, like the little girl that he is.
But most guys are like that.
Whenever they experience discomfort, rather than possessing the courage to push through, they run away and return back to their old ways.
I used to be like this too.
I never tried to push outside of my comfort zone because it felt comfortable and “safe”.
That’s why I never got any results with women and let tonnes of them slip away from me despite some of them showing me signs of interest.
That’s why I never got any travel experiences when I was younger because I let others dictate when I could travel. I was afraid of traveling alone and needed company out of fear.
I didn’t start learning about how to make money earlier in my life because I read bullshit information online telling me how dangerous and difficult it was to start a business and that it would be safer for me to just be an employee, working long hours for decades and wasting my youth away so that I could one day retire as an old man in a wheelchair with a bad case of arthritis.
Discomfort Is Necessary in Order to Grow
In order to grow and improve yourself then you need to experience discomfort.
There is just no way around this.
Let’s look at an example:
Say you want to become jacked and look amazing.
So what do you have to do in order to become jacked?
You’re going to need to go to the gym and lift some heavyweights for a certain period of time eg. 6 months.
And of course, when you first start lifting weights, you’ll experience discomfort and soreness from your workouts.
Your body hasn’t yet adapted to the heavy strenuous loads that you’re placing on your body, and so you will experience delayed-onset muscle soreness (DOMS) for a few days.
But if you stick at it for a while, this soreness will go away, you will get stronger, and then one day when you look in the mirror, you’ll be blown away at what is looking back at you.
But what do most guys do instead?
As soon as that soreness kicks in, they whine about the discomfort and then quit lifting altogether.
The same can be seen with dating.
In order to get dates, you need to open your mouth and ask a girl out.
There is just no way around this unless you’re happy with a lower quality girl chasing after you.
You will need to contend with the fact that there is a chance that you could get rejected by a girl.
This one fear is enough to make most guys run for the hills.
But the one guy that is OK with feeling uncomfortable and doesn’t fear rejection, well that guy will be the one that gets the girl in the end.
Friends and Family Will Try to Hold You Back
I’ve experienced this personally myself countless times.
It’s gotten to the point where nowadays I don’t even tell anyone what I do anymore and don’t share my life with any of my family or close friends.
When you start making changes in your life for the better, such as working out at the gym or getting more dates with women by going out there and meeting them, friends and family may try to sabotage your efforts.
As I mentioned previously like with friend, when he saw that I was able to secure dates with attractive females, he actually tried to knock me down by saying that the women weren’t that attractive or that they didn’t have an ass or whatnot.
He was telling me what I was doing didn’t work and that I was wasting my time and should stick with conventional ways of meeting women.
I just ignored him and continued doing what I was doing.
He was feeling very insecure and jealous of my successes with women because he knew that he quit and didn’t have the mental fortitude to do what I had accomplished and this made him feel bad about himself.
So in order to try and make himself feel better, he tried to knock me down to his level.
Because if I was at his level, he didn’t need to become better and could stay exactly where he was.
The way he viewed it was that If he wasn’t happy with his life, then I couldn’t be happy either.
What a great friend right?
Well to hell with him.
When you start stepping outside of your comfort zone, especially if it goes against the current status quo, be prepared to face resistance from your close peers.
You will oftentimes find that rather than being supportive, they will instead criticize your decision because it makes them feel uncomfortable and bad.
But don’t listen to the naysayers.
If you receive criticism for your attempts at improving your life, especially if it ain’t constructive criticism, then know that you are probably going in the right direction.
You may even need to cut some of these people out of your life if they become too negative like I had to do, but it’s worth it.
Learning How to Date Will Make You Uncomfortable
When you first start to learn a new skill, there’s no doubt that it will make you feel a little uncomfortable.
This is completely natural and everyone feels this.
Here are some of the things you will need to learn and master when first learning about dating:
- How to approach a girl
- How to flirt with her
- How to ask for her number or ask her out on a date
- How to call or text her to arrange a time and place
- How to greet her and have a good time on the date
- How to touch a girl properly
- How to kiss her
- How to ask a girl to come over to your place
So when you’re first starting out in this area, and you are feeling uncomfortable, know that you should be experiencing this but that it will go away with more practice.
And if you stay with it long enough, you will eventually emerge from the other end, a completely changed person that looked fear in the eyes and confronted it.
As a result of this, you will be rewarded with a new set of skills that other men shied away from acquiring due to their fear and discomfort.
Feeling uncomfortable is a wonderful thing because it tells you that you are moving outside of your comfort zones and trying to grow as a person.
You cannot grow without pushing your boundaries as a human.
And it’s these boundaries that cause discomfort for a lot of men.
But for those of us that learn how to cope and push through discomfort, we are the ones that can reap the rewards waiting for us at the other end.
Learn to be comfortable being uncomfortable and the world is your oyster.
JimmyAugust 7, 2020 at 12:32 pm
Good article about getting out of the comfort zone! A lot of people have a tendency wait for the “perfect situation” or “perfect time” for them to do something. “She is walking with her friend, I can’t talk to her”, “The economy is bad right now so I can’t start a business”, “I have a lot of work right now, so I can’t workout” and so on.
There is never a “perfect moment” or “perfect time”. You just have to say “Fuck it, Imma do it right now. I don’t care what the outcome is, the only important thing to me is that I did it and I am proud of it”.
“Do now what nature demands of you. Get right to it if that’s in your power. Don’t look around to see if people will know about it. Don’t await the perfection of Plato’s Republic, but be satisfied with even the smallest step forward and regard the outcome as a small thing.”
—MARCUS AURELIUS, MEDITATIONS, 9.29.(4)
Viet Kieu DatingAugust 9, 2020 at 2:34 am
Yup, there is never a perfect time to do something. You can wait and wait and wait but then one day the opportunity is gone for good. Often times us waiting for the perfect moment is just an excuse our minds use to prevent us from taking action.