Dating

10 Signs You Are Being Taken Advantage of in a Relationship

Introduction

What are the signs you are being taken advantage of in a relationship with a Vietnamese girl?

I get emails and comments all the time from guys that have been taken advantage of by Vietnamese girls while in a “relationship” with them.

Some of these men are still oblivious to the fact that they are being used and still think that they should continue indulging in their girlfriend’s shady and predatory habits.

Here’s one such email that I received from a reader about a month or so back:

Hi, I just started dating a Vietnam lady, she is very nice to me, when her friend call while we were together she just cancel the call and say she sldnt give her attention to others when with me. We were walking around and she wanted to buy a perfume but not enough cash, which I offered to pay for her. After this I came to your website and realise I should not buy things for her. Am I doing it wrong? We are dating so is it OK to make food for her and buy gloves for her because her hands turn cold watching movie?

A reader

About a week later, I saw this comment being left on one of my posts from the same guy.

Hi I met one Vietnam lady in her 40s last Thursday, she was very loving. She was looking for a perfume and didn’t have enough cash so I bought it for her(before I saw your website) than yesterday we met a second time, she was still loving. She say coming everyweek to meet her will spend alot of money, so just every two weekly will do and she was saying she has to pay 500 ringgit for visa extension each month and ask me pay for her(from the savings of nit coming over) . I told her no cause my income not high, she say than next time no meet she go look for other guy a few time. But after a while she also didn’t insist, she wants me to add her Facebook and she say she don’t usually add people. What should I do?

A reader

Here’s another comment that I received from another reader:

Asking money is an essential part of the relationship between Vietnamese girls and foreigners
Although I pay her room rent and even her Motorbike fuel…but every month I must pay her or she will activate (No money, No honey policy)
I’m 33 years old from Egypt, Living in Vietnam since 2016
Its HARD to find a girl who is not in conditional love with foriegners

A reader

I shake my head when I read things like this.

What are some common themes between these two guys?

They don’t have a good understanding of the dating culture here in Vietnam and both failed to screen their “girlfriends” properly. They also both think that you need to be spending a bunch of cash on their “girlfriends’ otherwise she will leave them 🤦‍♂️.

I don’t know where all of these guys got the idea that you need to be buying her things left and right and paying for all of her living expenses.

Was this something they read from some article from Elle Magazine written by some post-wall women with a string of failed relationships or perhaps they watched one too many chick flicks on TV and now it’s become too ingrained into their psyche?

You see, you’re playing a dangerous game when you’re using money as your trump card to buy affection and to keep her around.

Take away the money and now you’ve just got a set of blue balls.

Now don’t get me wrong, you still need a stable job and need money if you ever plan on marrying a Vietnamese girl and living together with her.

How else are you going to pay the mortgage or rent or your day to day living expenses?

And in fact, if you told any Vietnamese girl that you were an unemployed hobo bumming spare change off of people on Nguyen Hue street, don’t expect to be going on any dates anytime soon.

But there’s a fine line between having a stable job for yourself vs splurging money on some random chick that you just met.

And on today’s article, we’re going to be going over what that fine line is and how to tell when you’re being taken advantage of in a relationship.

Asking You for Money

This is almost automatically a red flag whenever a girl starts asking you for money in the relationship, especially when it’s in the beginner of the relationship.

The more clever ones will hint at needing money for something indirectly without coming out and asking for it whereas the less socially calibrated ones will just outright ask for it.

They might suggest that their phone got stolen, they can’t afford food, their relative just got into an accident and they don’t have money for the medical bills, etc.

The key difference is they won’t ask you, at least not directly but may keep bringing this up again and again.

It’s almost 99% of the time a scam to try and get money out of you.

Here’s a good example of someone hinting at wanting money without coming out and asking you directly for it.

being taken advantage of: asking for money
Yes I’m sure you’re very hungry and out of money. That’s why you still got a cellphone and internet to go online to ask random strangers for money.

They claim to be out of money and very hungry yet miraculously still have internet access and a cellphone to go around online telling strangers that they are very hungry and out of money.

I guess they must not have been reading the news lately because if they did, they would have realized that there are free rice atm dispenser stations all over the country 🤦‍♂️.

If you know anything about Vietnamese or even Asian culture then I’m sure you know how important face is to Asian people.

A lot of dirt poor people would rather die than to have people think that they are dirt broke to save face.

That’s why you got idiots all up to the knees in debt spending thousands of dollars buying a shitty car just to show off and try to impress people or girls that can barely afford rent go out and splurge on the latest iPhone to keep up with appearances.

You even got lottery ticket sellers that won’t accept free handouts and instead insist that you buy their lottery tickets instead.

A girl that is dating you and is genuinely interested in you will not want to tarnish her reputation in your eyes by asking you for money.

A girl looking to take advantage of you on the other hand will be more than happy to start asking for handouts.

Now I do want to mention in the rare instance where you do know for a fact that she is really in need of money such as a family member needing money for surgery or whatnot and she can’t afford it, a better way to help her is to go to the hospital directly and pay for the medical bills there instead of giving her money.

Asking You to Buy Her Things

This one is similar to the previous example where instead of asking for money directly, they just outright asks you for specific things.

Common requests include:

  • the latest iPhone
  • Handbags
  • Shoes
  • Dresses
  • Motorbikes
  • Jewelry
  • Watches
  • Perfume
  • Even a house or apartment!

A common tactic that they will use will be along the lines of “Oh I want to purchase so and so but I don’t have enough money right now.”

They will then suddenly appear sad and closed off but as soon as you suggest paying for the item, watch how quickly their demeanor changes.

There’s a big difference between asking you to give her a helping hand to put food on the table such as buying her a bag of rice vs asking you to help her buy the latest iPhone.

If you cannot make the distinction between the two than I am sorry my friend, you probably deserve to get scammed.

Now there is nothing wrong with buying something nice for your wife or long-term girlfriend that you’ve been seeing for a while now, however, if this is a regular occurrence then you got to ask yourself “is she with me because she loves me or is she with me because I buy her things?”.

Always Asking You to Take Her to Expensive Restaurants

girl eating sushi

Now it’s fine to treat your girlfriend or wife to a nice dinner once in a while such as on her birthday or your anniversary, but if you just recently started seeing this girl and she starts asking to be brought to all of these expensive Michelin star restaurants right from the get-go, she’s most likely looking to take advantage of you financially.

I’ve been on dates before with Vietnamese girls who told me after seeing the bill that we shouldn’t come and eat at this expensive place again in the future.

I’ve also had dates where girls tried to pull a fast one on me by suggesting somewhere else to drink or eat at that was undoubtedly several times more expensive than my original proposition.

Which one of these girls do you think was more genuine and which ones were looking for a free meal ticket?

If you find yourself always having to resort to taking your date or girlfriend to fancy and expensive restaurants on a regular basis, most likely you being taken advantage of.

Always Asking You to Take Her on Expensive Vacations

Singapore Marina sands bay
A popular vacation choice among gold diggers in Southeast Asia

I’m sure you’ve stumbled across numerous Facebook or Instagram profiles of Vietnamese girls that are staying at some of the most luxurious travel destinations that money can buy with all the bells and whistles.

I’m talking about 5-star resorts, infinity pools, candle-lit dinners at high-end restaurants, sitting in business class, or even first-class seats on a plane, etc.

How do you think these girls can afford to go on all of these expensive trips on a regular basis, especially when the average salary of a Vietnamese worker is about $242 USD a month back in 2019?

I can almost guarantee you that the money ain’t coming out of her pocket unless she’s from an affluent background or makes a killing at her job.

For some girls, they don’t care about how much you’re struggling to pay the bills on a monthly basis. They just want to live the good life.

That means staying at beachfront hotels overlooking the pacific ocean, wining and dining at only the best restaurants in Asia, and even demanding that you fork over money for a business class or first-class plane ticket for them!

Asking You to Sponsor Her Studies at a University

This is a very popular tactic usually employed by the younger girls in their early to mid-20s, often seen used on older men.

I tell these guys all the time to go date girls appropriate for their age and even provide a general outline about how big of an age range to stick to but they never listen!

Nope… that creepy 55 or 60-year old guy still wants to go after that 18 or 20-year old girl and refuses to date someone appropriate for their age.

Oh well, you reap what you sow.

They meet some smooth-talking cute 22-year old “university” student that starts calling them “đẹp trai” and “anh” instead of “chú” and suddenly they think they are a rockstar 🤣.

Soon she starts asking them to pay for her “education” because she can’t afford it or she wants to be better able to communicate with them through “English” lessons.

Asking for a monthly allowance is not uncommon in these situations.

Asking You to Teach Her English for Free

being taken advantage of: teaching english for free

This is another common one that doesn’t involve money, fortunately.

There are some girls that go online to take advantage of guys desperate for some female attention.

They usually go on dating sites such as Tinder and seek guys to just be friends, with the goal of taking advantage of them for free English lessons.

Pretty lame right?

Go on a dating site yet feign ignorance about how it’s a dating site and that you are only there to make friends and practice English.

There are places for that and it’s called a language exchange site!

Some of these girls will even get into an “online relationship” with these guys if it means free English practicing lessons for her.

Of course, the couple probably never met more than a handful of times, if at all.

Asks You for Money When You Break up With Her

I had a fellow reader bring this one to my attention a while back.

It was the first time that I ever heard about this one but apparently it happens with some foreigners.

I guess I’m lucky and spared from this dirty tactic as a Viet Kieu and don’t look like your stereotypical foreigner.

Typically what happens is that your “ex-girlfriend” will demand money for the breakup and claim that you were wasting her time.

I guess it’s her last-ditch effort to squeeze some extra moola out of your pockets before the both of you say bye-bye.

Don’t feel compelled to give her a single cent when you break up with her unless you owe her any money.

My Way or the Highway

If you like to get bossed around in a relationship than date this archetype.

Girls that fall under this category love to grab frame and control every situation and think that the whole world revolves around them.

Relationship compromises are a foreign concept to them and instead, they prefer to play the role of princess for all of eternity.

“Hey let’s go grab some coffee over there”, you say.

“No! I want to go to that more expensive coffee place instead.” She points with her fingers.

“Hey, let’s go watch that new summer blockbuster movie”, you suggest.

“No! I want to see that romance movie instead!” she shouts.

I unfortunately dated a few of these girls in the past and let me tell you, the sooner you get rid of any girl that is a taker in a relationship, the more stress-free your dating life will become.

There’s a reason why a lot of these girls are still single despite looking attractive and that’s mainly down to their attitude.

Don’t expect fair and equal treatment in a relationship with one of these girls. They are completely self-centered and egotistical.

If you’re sick and weak in bed, forget about them bringing you over any congee to eat. Instead, she’ll phone your ass to come pick her up and drive her to that new shopping mall that just opened up recently.

This girl will always get you to do things for her but she won’t ever do anything for you.

Basically you’re stuck in a one-sided relationship.

But I guess some guys would rather be in this type of relationship even if they receive zero respect from their girlfriends rather than being alone.

Asking to Borrow Money

This one is similar to her just outright asking you for money however the term “give” has been swapped with “borrow” but it’s pretty much the same thing.

Most of the girls actually don’t intend on repaying back the loan that you’ve given them.

Once the money is in her hands, you can pretty much kiss it goodbye because she won’t be giving it back to you anytime soon.

A common tactic is to say that they don’t have money for so and so such as the ability to pay for rent or to buy food.

One of my friends over here in Vietnam actually had a girl attempt this tactic on him. He had met this girl through me one evening when I approached two girls hanging out on Nguyen Hue street. I went after her taller and lighter-skinned friend while he got the shorter darker skinned girl.

It didn’t take long for her to start asking to “borrow” money from him because she was in financial trouble.

They had only met up a handful of times, no more than 1-2 weeks before the sob stories started to pour in but he was skeptical and didn’t buy it.

You Always Pay for Everything

being taken advantage of: paying all the time

And now we get to the final sign, you always pay for everything in the relationship.

It used to be in the past that men would pretty much pay for everything in a relationship.

This was due to the fact that men were the breadwinners in the household and that the wives didn’t go to work and instead stayed at home to tend to the family.

This was pretty much a universal rule in any society around the world in the past.

And in fact, a lot of local men still believe in this tradition.

However, in recent times, things have changed as more females have gone on to have careers in the workplace, sometimes even making more than the guy.

With this new shift in the economic situation with females, I would argue that they should at least attempt to help pay for some of the things once in a while.

Now I’m not talking about always going dutch on a date with a girl.

But once in a blue moon, she should at least attempt to help out with the bills.

Whether or not you allow her to foot the bill is your discretion but if a girl that you’ve been seeing for 6+ months has not once even attempted to open her purse and help out with anything then you’re being taken advantage of.

I would even argue that most girls that are genuinely interested in you would be more than happy to help out once in a while with the bills without you even asking them.

Conclusion

Well there you have it, 10 signs that you are being taken advantage of in a relationship with a Vietnamese woman.

Here’s a quick recap of the signs:

  • Asking You for Money
  • Asking You to Buy Her Things
  • Always Asking You to Take Her to Expensive Restaurants
  • Always Asking You to Take Her on Expensive Vacations
  • Asking You to Sponsor Her Studies at a University
  • Asking You to Teach Her English for Free
  • Asks You for Money When You Break up With Her
  • My Way or the Highway
  • Asking to Borrow Money
  • You Always Pay for Everything

Relationships should never be one-sided. There should always be a give and take approach to it. Sometimes you make compromises for them and other times they do the same for you. But you’re gut is telling you that you are being taken for granted in the relationship then it’s probably right.

In a healthy relationship, both partners should be working in unison for the betterment of their future rather than always trying to one-up each other.

Hopefully you are now better able to recognize the signs when you’re being taken advantage of in a relationship.

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2 Comments

  • Reply
    Jimmy
    May 30, 2020 at 5:38 am

    Another great Article! That chat though, you better feed her Gary, she says she’s very hungry XD. I am liking the emojis, they add more character to the article.

    • Reply
      admin
      May 30, 2020 at 1:37 pm

      Oh she’s hungry all right, hungry for money that is xD

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