As a foreigner dating Vietnamese women, often times misunderstandings can occur.
I mean it’s bound to happen right?
You both grew up in two completely different worlds, with completely different social and cultural norms.
But if your looking forward to having any type of relationship success when dating a Vietnamese woman, then there are some very important do’s and don’ts that you need to consider.
On today’s article, I’m going to be going over a list of do’s and don’ts when dating a Vietnamese woman that will help you nip any drama in the bud and ensure your relationship remains smooth sailing.
Try to Learn Vietnamese
Unless your dating a Vietnamese girl that speaks impeccable English, communication issues is always going to be a problem down the road.
Even with my current girlfriend right now, we occasionally run into misunderstandings because I’m unable to understand her sometimes when she speaks Vietnamese to me.
Not only will learning Vietnamese allow you to better communicate with her, it shows her that you respect and value her culture in your relationship.
You’ll be able to have deeper conversations with her and connect on a completely different level with her.
Think about what type of relationship your gonna to be having with someone if you can only convey basic communication equivalent to that of a 5 year old?
Using hand gestures and facial expression to convey meaning only gets you so far.
Now you don’t need to be fluent in her native tongue, however being able to carry a basic conversation with her asking about her day and the things she likes goes a long way.
Also if you do decide to pursue things further down the line, communicating with her family wins you big brownie points as well.
As a bonus in case she or anyone else talks shit about you, you can understand it and deal with it accordingly. The look of shock on people’s faces when they realize I can understand what they are saying to me is priceless!
I had a situation where I was at a bubble tea shop. There were several girls that were working the counter. Initially I didn’t pick up what they were saying because they spoke really quickly so I reverted to English.
A few of the girls had taken a liking to me, especially one in particular. She went back to her coworkers and then said I was “đẹp trai” meaning handsome with her coworkers.
Later when my drink was ready, I switched back to Vietnamese and asked her what time do they usually close at. She was in utter shock that I spoke Vietnamese and her face soon turned red.
Here is a language book called Vietnamese for Beginners that I highly recommend for studying Vietnamese. It’s great for self-study and is easy to follow along.
Try to Learn About Her Culture
If your looking to get far with the ladies here in Vietnam, its a wise move to try and learn about Vietnamese culture.
Now I’m not saying that you need to develop a love for bún mắm or bún đậu mắm tôm, two really foul smelling Vietnamese dishes made with either fermented fish or shrimp that a lot of Vietnamese go gaga for.
But you should know certain rules such as using two hands when giving something to someone older then you or waiting for people older than you to eat before eating.
This will help alleviate some of the social stigma associated with dating a foreigner and help her parents come to terms in accepting you into the family.
You did know that family is really important In Vietnamese culture right?
In case you didn’t, here’s an article that I wrote on Vietnamese dating culture. Click here to read it.
Here’s a classic example of an idiot that lacks any cultural understanding of his girlfriend’s culture.
I have seen and met plenty of foreigners who have been living here in Vietnam for well over a year now, yet haven’t even made an effort to learn the simplest of Vietnamese phrases to communicate with the locals nor taken the time to learn about the local customs.
They then go on a rant complaining about how much they hate it here, and how everyone is always staring at them and trying to rip them off.
Be a Gentlemen
Vietnamese girls have developed this romanticized view of dating through the various movies and tv shows they have consumed. There’s a reason why those Korean dramas are big hit here. A lot of the younger girls now think most Korean guys are k drama stars, only to be sadly disappointed later on.
Little gestures like opening the door for her, helping her move her motorbike , or cooking her dinner goes a long way towards impressing her.
Women’s day is celebrated over here in Vietnam, where the men are expected to give flowers to their lady.
Give her a boutique of flowers and you’ll melt her heart.
Fail to do so, and prepare to face the wrath of a woman scorned.
Male chivalry is still very much appreciated here with Vietnamese girls.
Pay for her on the First Few Dates
Now I’m not asking you to pay for her for an eternity, in fact any girl that expects you to pony up each time is not a ripe candidate to have a long term relationship with.
However, on the first few dates, your expected to pay for the drinks, food, and any other recreational activities that you have planned for the evening.
If she’s a good sport, she may offer to pay for some of it, but don’t expect it.
When your dating traditional feminine Vietnamese girls, the man is expected to pay. It’s their way of showing the girl that they can provide for her. If you want to split the bill with your date, go date a western woman then.
Continue to Flirt with Her After Courting Her
Courtship doesn’t end after you’ve slept with her.
She will still expect you to continue to flirt and seduce her, the only difference is, her requirements are way more relaxed now that you two have become lovers.
A common complaint by women is that men change and stop doing the things they used to do to court them.
Go on reddit or quora and you will find hundreds of threads just like this:
Once you stop doing these things that got you the girl, she will start complaining about it and start causing all sorts of drama.
Eventually if your still not meeting her needs, such as giving her attention, she will find someone else who will.
It doesn’t matter how much attention and affection you gave her in the past, nor how many mountains you had to climb to be with her, what matters most to her is how she feels right now about your relationship.
Now you may be thinking that’s quite selfish and whatnot, but they don’t care. They want to feel loved right now and you better provide it.
Let Her Do Most of The Chasing
Although girls love it when guys shower them with free attention, they aren’t necessarily attracted to the guy because he ain’t a challenge to her.
If she can easily win you over, then in her mind, you aren’t as valuable as she thinks you are. The harder you are to obtain while still remaining obtainable for her, the more she will appreciate having you.
Most guys think that by chasing after the girl and needlessly texting and calling them all the time that eventually the girl will realize how much of a great guy he is. Unbeknownst to him, this actually turns girls off.
They will rationalize that he isn’t such a great catch after all if he is always available.
Let her call and text you more than you call and text her. It establishes who has control of the relationship.
If she starts to complain that your not doing it enough, then your on the right track. Just increase it a little bit more and then maintain it.
A good rule of thumb is to text her 2 times out of 3 for every 3 texts or calls she initiates. This will allow you to maintain control of the relationship.
Give Her Money
Lots of foreign men are under the illusion that their “girlfriend” needs saving because she is so poor and lives in a third world country where they can’t even have clean water to drink.
Here’s a newsflash for you pal, according to Nikkei Asian Review, Vietnam currently has the fastest growing middle class in all of Southeast Asia, and that number is expected to reach 95 million by 2030. In about 11 years time, nearly most of the country will be middle class.
Unless she’s from the countryside, she ain’t living in some run down old hut where she is resorting to eating coconut worms for breakfast.
I repeat, do not be an idiot and start sending her money on a monthly basis like thousands of idiots in the past that did this thinking they were helping her out of poverty.
She will just take that money and spend it buying useless crap like the latest iPhone or a Charles & Keith hand bag while bragging to her family and friends what a sucker you are for believing her story.
Some devious Vietnamese girls love hosing white-knight beta males that make it their life’s purpose to save some damsel in distress, only to end up being the one needing saving later on once they’ve been fleeced.
You can find countless stories on the web about some idiot that kept on sending his “girlfriend” in Vietnam monthly stipends usually in the amount between $100-500 USD to help with her English lessons, or living expenses.
Some girls may make up lies about needing money to pay for some emergency medical surgery for a family member as well.
Don’t fall into the trap. Just send her ass over to gofundme and let others pitch in instead.
The clever girls will play the long game to try and gain your trust by not asking for any money until she’s sure she’s gotten her hooks into you.
The less intelligent ones will start asking right away.
Buy Her Things
This is a big NO NO!!!
It’s fine to pay for dinner or movie tickets, but don’t go shopping with her with the intention of buying her hand bangs or shoes. If she insists that you do it because your from a rich western country or that she can’t afford to, drop her immediately and don’t look back!
Congratulations you have gotten rid of a gold digger.
If you would like to learn how to identify Vietnamese gold diggers and how to prevent getting fleeced, click here to read this article I wrote.
This isn’t a real relationship, its a transaction.
If your happy to be in a sugar daddy arrangement and both parties are up front about it then fine, but don’t allow a Vietnamese woman to start dictating that you buy her material things otherwise she will withhold affection from you.
If you find yourself already in this type of relationship then I would recommend that you RUN!
I have dated lots of Vietnamese girls and it is not normal for them to ask you to buy them things.
With that being said however, I have encountered a very small percentage of girls that demanded that I buy them things on the first date.
One of them currently holds the record for the shortest date ever in Vietnam after I sent her packing home in less than 5 minutes after meeting me.
Push for Sex on the First Date
For some foreigners that have been to places like the Philippines or Thailand, they are used to getting easy sex, especially sex on the first date, however their expectations fall short once they arrive here in Vietnam.
Vietnamese girls don’t give it up easily unlike their SEA counterparts. I’m talking multiple dates at least before you can expect her to sleep with you.
If your really adamant about pushing for sex on the first date with the girl, don’t be surprised if that will be the first and last date that you will have with her.
Vietnamese girls focus more on long-term dating and relationships rather than short term flings.
Allow Her to Go Through Your Phone
Jealously and suspicion of you seeing other girls behind her back runs rampant throughout a lot of Vietnamese girls blood.
It also doesn’t help that cheating occurs quite often here in Vietnam as well. Within landing here in Vietnam for one month, I had already heard of at least 3 cases of people that I knew that had experienced cheating of some sort.
This has made a lot of the girls paranoid about their partners cheating.
If your still playing the field then it isn’t a wise move to allow her to go through your phone, otherwise their’s a high risk of you being caught.
Even if your not dating anyone else and having a serious relationship with your girlfriend or spouse, its not wise to allow her to go through your things.
A healthy relationship is one where you set boundaries. By allowing her to dictate the terms of your relationship, your essential surrendering control and letting her lead.
You need to set boundaries in the relationship.
Be a Douche Bag and Asshole
In the west, being an asshole gets you quite far with the ladies, in fact some of them prefer dating guys like this.
Now you would think this would make you less desirable to the ladies, but lo and behold, it turns them on. I guess it has to due to the fact that your not a pushover and supplicating doormat that unfortunately a lot of men from the west have turned into.
I remember having a few girls in my university and college classes calling me an asshole for teasing them, yet I ended up dating one of them despite busting her chops every opportunity I got. There was another girl that was also attracted to em, despite me teasing the hell outta her.
In Vietnam however, being an asshole will quickly land you into a life of isolation and loneliness.
In fact, I tried this same tactic when I first got here just to experiment and ended up having girls call me arrogant and blocking my number. Once I readjusted my game and toned things down, I started to bed girls.
The girls here like guys that are more humble and show stability.
Now this doesn’t mean start going out and acting like a doormat. Nobody likes that.
You have to find a happy medium between being a nice guy and an asshole.
And for the love of god, don’t try any of that PUA crap over here. Your just going to scare and weird girls out.
Rush to Get Married
A lot of men become mesmerized by how beautiful a Vietnamese girl looks and also how she treats him. Compared to how women treat men in the west, out here men are treated like kings.
Ever have your western girlfriend come over to your place, help you tidy up, cook you dinner, and finally giving you mind blowing sex afterwards?
Well this is fairly common here.
The girls really know what to say and do to hook a guy. Their ability to seduce a guy is second to none.
Add in an unstoppable male thirst and you got yourself a recipe for disaster.
Most of these guys are so thirsty that the first female to show them any attention they quickly wive her up due to a fear of losing her.
They think if I don’t lock her down, I’m going to lose her to someone else soon.
Every year, lots of men come to Vietnam to look for wives and a lot of them even buy them too!
Some of these men only met there future wife’s once before tying the knot.
How’s that for desperation?
Some of these men later on get taken to the cleaners. Alimony, green cards, child support, etc.
If your going to marry someone, marry her because you love her and have been through thick and thin with her, not because your desperate and worried about being alone.
A lot of foreign men in their pursuit of trying to get a beautiful Vietnamese girlfriend remain clueless in their actions and end up messing things up with Vietnamese women.
Having a deeper understanding of Vietnamese women’s culture and the unwritten rules goes a long way towards having a fruitful relationship when dating Vietnamese girls.
In this article, we covered the do’s and don’ts when dating a Vietnamese woman. Here is a refresher on them:
- Try to learn Vietnamese
- Try to learn about her culture
- Be a gentleman
- Pay for her on the first few dates
- Continue to flirt with her after courting her
- Let her do most of the chasing
- Give her money
- Buy her things
- Push for sex on the first date
- Allow her to go through your phone
- Be a douche bag and asshole
- Rush to get married
If you carefully follow these do’s and don’ts you can reduce the likelihood of having a terrible dating experience with Vietnamese girls and instead have the type of relationship that you’ve always dream of.
Let me know in the comments what are your do’s and don’ts when dating Vietnamese women.