As much fun as dating can be, it can also be frustrating and tiring at times.
One of the most frustrating aspects of dating is dealing with flakes and no-shows.
A lot of men taking flaking personally, myself included at one point.
You just spent 30 minutes driving to your date location only to receive a text from your date that something ridiculous came up which you know is a lie or even worse, she just didn’t even bother to tell you that she isn’t coming and instead just disappears.
How could anyone not be angry at the disrespect, right?
I remember the first time that I got flaked on. It was by a classmate of mine in university. Looking back at it, the girl wasn’t even anything special, just a typical run of the mill meh average girl. But I was smitten with her at the time.
I had just finished taking a shower and got all dressed up.
Hell even my clothes were ironed!
I had whipped out my favorite cologne and started spraying it onto two carefully placed spots on my neck when I suddenly received a text from her.
“Hey sorry, I won’t be able to make it. I just broke a nail.” or something similar to that if I recall.
I was fuming at that moment.
Why couldn’t she have told me earlier I asked myself.
At that time, I didn’t know how to handle flaking and most of all, how to prevent it!
I’m hoping to spare you guys the same fate that I went through.
On today’s article I’m going to discuss how to never get flaked on by a Vietnamese girl ever again!
Why Does It Happen
Flaking is pretty universal in any country that you visit, so Vietnam would be no exception.
Flaking can happen for a number of reasons. Sometimes it can be because of something you did, while other times it can be because something completely out of your control.
I have some Vietnamese friends that are girls here in Vietnam and even they flake on each other all the time for a number of different reasons.
Females just don’t see flaking as a big deal.
But ultimately flaking comes down to a number of reasons, most likely the following:
She was Looking For Attention
There are some Vietnamese girls out there that are simply just looking for attention from guys and never had any intention of meeting up with them. It could be that they have low self-esteem or maybe they are just bored and looking for something to pass the time.
But it doesn’t matter either way, because these girls are just wasting your time.
Often times, you will meet these types of girls online through dating apps such as Tinder.
Girls thrive and live for attention. So when she is being fed an all-you-can-eat buffet of attention from thirsty desperate guys that will do anything including selling their own mothers off just to get some female attention, they have no incentive to meet with the guy.
She can just stay at home and whip out her phone while looking sloppy and have literally hundreds of guys all vying to give her free attention.
In the case of online dating, she can also hide behind her phone knowing that there aren’t really any consequences other then perhaps some stranger sending her an angry text for getting stood up.
In fact, they may take comfort and enjoyment out of getting some random guy all rallied up.
Did you really think she didn’t see your message to confirm the date or that she just “forgot about it” despite the fact that you called and texted her while waiting for her at the place?
Girls in Vietnam are glued to their phones 24/7. You literally cannot see a Vietnamese girl here without a smartphone unless she is dirt poor or had just gotten it stolen from her.
Also younger girls are notorious for flaking a lot more than older more mature Vietnamese women. Their biological clock ticking away doesn’t even register on their minds until they hit their mid 20s.
This is why screening women is important so that you don’t waste your precious time giving away attention for free only to end up with a set of blue-balls.
Something Came Up Last Minute
Perhaps she had a family emergency or her phone got stolen by a motorbike thief (quite common here).
Or maybe her boss just threw a huge pile of work on her desk and told her to get that done or else she’s gonna get canned.
The point is sometimes last minute things really do come up in our lives that we could not foresee.
Just act like its alright, and if she is interested in you, she will reschedule to meet you another day.
If you don’t hear from her ever again though… then she probably wasn’t all that interested in you to begin with.
Your a Low Priority
People show up to dates and meetings for people that they consider high priority and important.
On her list, you probably stand somewhere between spot #4 or 5. All those other spots, she reserves those for her family, friends, job, and a day at the spa.
Just to put things into perspective, imagine her best friend called her to hang out and go shopping last minute, so she decides doing that would be more fun then hanging out with you.
So she decides to flake on you.
She values your time a lot less than the other people in her life.
Take for example, my girlfriend has never once flaked on me. In fact, she flaked on other people a few times in the past just to be with me. That just tells you how important I am in her life.
It’s all about priorities.
Another Guy She Values More Showed Up In The Picture
I hate this one personally.
Everything seems to be going well and you’ve gotten her to agree to a date with you, or maybe you’ve already gone out a few times with her already.
But then suddenly she goes cold and flakes on you.
A few weeks later, you see pics of her with some guy on her facebook or instagram. You ask around and later find it he was her ex.
Oh it burns doesn’t it?
Just like guys, girls also have a list of suitors that they prioritize.
This is why sometimes you see girls suddenly call you up and reach out to you, despite the fact that they flaked on you a few weeks back. Most likely her #1 choice was unavailable so she slowly worked down her list of options.
Nervous and Lack of Comfort
Believe it or not, but some girls flake on guys because they are too nervous and worried that they might mess up the date with a guy that they like. They may also flake on the guy because they are unsure how the guy feels about them.
This usually happens when she sees you as having more value then her.
Perhaps your a foreigner from a developed country such as Canada or the UK.
Or maybe she thinks your rich or that lots of pretty girls like you.
Other times it may be that she didn’t feel quite comfortable enough yet to go out with you despite having interest in you. This usually happens with girls that you meet through day game and fail to build enough rapport and comfort with them.
The girl rather then embarrass herself chooses to flake on the date instead to protect her own ego.
I once had a girl that was super interested in me upon laying eyes on me. She worked at a local Phuc Long coffee shop by my hotel.
I wasn’t really interested in her cause I didn’t consider her attractive and she was way too short for me.
Every time I showed up to buy a drink, she would try and flirt with me and ask me a tonne of personal questions. It was pretty obvious she was into me, and all of the employees there knew about her little crush.
Then one day out of the blue, she just straight up asked me if I had a girlfriend and then asked me out after I told her I was single. I probably should have rejected her then and there but I didn’t feel comfortable blowing her off in front of all of her co-workers who were all now staring at us.
Rejecting her in front of all of her co-workers would have also been a huge lost of face too for her.
Since there were tonnes of coffee and tea shops near my hotel, all within a 5 minute walk, I figured why not and agreed to it. I could always just tell her I wasn’t feeling it during the date.
However, she started to get really clingy and needy over text, and started to ask why I didn’t go to buy milk tea at her shop the next day and the day after.
I told her I don’t drink that everyday cause its not good for your health but that we were still on for the coffee date. I thought that was that.
On the day of the date, she was nowhere to be found. I waited for 5 or 10 minutes before deciding to text her.
I tried to call her.
I waited for several more minutes and tried again.
But was met with dead silence.
That was it, I got up and left.
I couldn’t believe it. She flaked on me!
A guy that she had super high interest in, and that she even asked out herself.
I noticed she was online 2 hours later on zalo so I knew she saw my message, yet she never bothered to reply back.
The next day in the morning she sent me a half baked apology saying that she was sorry and that she got drunk at a wedding the previous night and forgot all about our date.
I knew it was BS as I saw her online the night before, so I swiftly blocked and deleted her number.
No way in hell was I gonna tolerate disrespect like that from some chick I wasn’t even all that into to begin with. Plus her apology was Insincere and this gave me an excuse to get rid of her.
She had flaked on me because she was feeling insecure with herself and unsure about my feelings towards her. This caused her to go into auto-rejection.
Me not showing up to buy milk tea the previous two days made her feel like she was being rejected prematurely therefore in order to protect her own ego, she decided to flake on me first.
This one’s pretty self explanatory. She’s just not that into you.
You asked out a Vietnamese chick that had low interest in you and the result was a flake.
Rather than reject you outright and potentially cause the situation to be confrontational, she gave you her number instead, hoping to later reject you over the phone. It’s low investment and low risk for her.
Not every girl that you meet will be interested in you. Each girl has a certain type of guy that they are attracted to.
You just don’t happen to be that guy, that’s all.
With good game and high status, you may be able to increase the pool of potential girls that will be attracted to you, but there will always still be some girls that just don’t like you.
I’ve been guilty of this one on more than a few occasions.
This can happen as a result of you waiting too long to ask her out and because of that, her interest level dropped.
Suddenly she doesn’t see you as the confident guy that she originally imagined.
Another case of this happening is if you get too clingy and needy.
I see this happen often with men that think endlessly chasing a girl gets you the girl.
They will un-needlessly call and text the girl multiple times in a day trying to start some BS conversation with her that goes nowhere.
Too much neediness and clinginess is a turn off. Its alright to show a little more neediness once your already in a relationship with her but before that, forget it!
Maybe you texted and talked with her one too many times prior to asking her out and now she doesn’t see you as a confident man that understands Vietnamese women anymore.
Some girls, especially the more attractive ones tend to like to employ little tests on unsuspecting men.
It could be that perhaps some of these girls had bad experiences in the past with men. Now to protect themselves, they like to throw curve balls at guys to see what makes them tick.
Or it could be that she wants to see whether or not you are the confident guy that she pictured you as being. A confident guy with lots of options will just let it brush over his shoulders.
If you react to her test and get all angry and butt hurt then you will fail her test.
How to Handle Being Flaked on
One of the worse things you can do when you get flaked on is get angry and throw a fit at the girl, especially if she’s one that you really like.
If she isn’t then well feel free to give her a piece of your mind and delete her number.
When you get flaked on, one of the best ways you can handle it is to show her that its no big deal and maintain your cool. Don’t show her it got to you.
Listen to her reason for flaking and then wait for her to offer to reschedule.
If she is at all interested in you, she will offer to reschedule for another day.
Sometimes the girl may chase you back and ask you out a week later, not necessary when she flakes.
Give her that opportunity to chase.
You chasing = bad
Her chasing = good
If she doesn’t offer to reschedule, it means she has low interest in you but you can still try and ask her out again in 1 or 2 weeks. Maybe her mood or life circumstances will change.
Do not ask her to reschedule then and there after you just got flaked on!
It shows desperation and that you got no options.
I have been able to get a few girls out on a dates at later times in the past despite them flaking on me.
Girls moods and feelings change like the weather. One day she might hate your guts and then the next be totally in love with you.
Showing the girl that your not gonna rip her head off for flaking whether intentional or not, displays confidence and intrigue in you and she will more likely agree to a future date somewhere down the line.
Caveat: If she flakes on you again then delete her number! She’s playing games and doesn’t respect your time.
How to Screen For Potential Flakes
Screening is essential if you want to save your time and sanity.
There’s nothing worse then wasting weeks or even months chasing after some broad only to have her flake on you in the end.
Here are a few ways to tell the likelihood of you getting flaked on:
Slow Text Response Rate and Lack of Effort
Watch out for girls that take forever to reply back to your text messages and also don’t put much effort into the conversation. Common things you will see to indicate low interest include replying back with either “haha” or “lol” with no follow up texts.
Girls in Vietnam live and breath smartphone usage. It’s with them 24/7. The fact that she takes forever to reply back yet is in possession of her phone at all hours just tells you how much she values your time and attention.
I usually don’t bother with girls that don’t put much effort into the conversation and get rid of them. They also never seem to text me again neither so its a win-win situation for everyone.
Level of Enthusiasm
Examine her level of enthusiasm when talking with you. Does she appear happy and bubbly or is she just a dull and boring conversationalist?
Girls that actually want to meet you will at least put some effort into their conversation with you prior to meeting with you.
Typically they will ask you some personal questions and not just give you yes/no answers or only answer your questions.
If she appears uninterested and doesn’t put much effort into carrying the conversation forward, it’s not a good sign.
Gives Wishy-Washy Answers
She’s either being evasive or doesn’t know what the hell she wants. If you can’t get a straight answer out of her then most likely she isn’t all that into you.
Typical answers she will give you are “maybe” or “I don’t know what my schedule is like yet.”.
Girls that like you make concrete definitive plans to be with you.
Its best to move on to more willing prospects then waste anymore energy on these girls.
No Response from Her on the Day of the Date
On the day of the date, when you text her and she doesn’t respond back, its a 100% chance that she isn’t going to show up for the date.
Don’t be a idiot and show up anyways hoping that your date’s gonna be there because she won’t be!
A girl like this doesn’t even deserve your attention.
Basic common courtesy seems to be absent with her. A simple text to inform you that she can’t come today would have been sufficient but she can’t be bothered to even do this. She’s just being downright disrespectful.
If she’s treating you like this now, just imagine how she would be treating you if you were in a relationship with her.
Girls like this get an automatic NEXT and lose all future opportunities of getting another date!
How to Prevent Getting Flaked on in the First Place
Learning how to prevent girls from flaking on you all comes down to learning how to screen better.
- Don’t wait too long to get her out. Nowadays with the advent of smartphones, smartwatches, and even smart toilet seats, our attention spans are quickly shrinking. If you wait too long to get her out, most likely something else will come up in her life. Also a girl’s interest level is never constant and tends to decrease over time. The longer you wait, the bigger risk you face of her interest level dropping. That’s why it’s important to strike while the iron is hot! You need to get her out as soon as reasonably possible.
- Don’t schedule dates more than 2-3 days away. Scheduling dates that far off will run the risk of something else happening in her life and her forgetting about you. Try to schedule dates no more than 3 days from the day you ask her out. It will still remain fresh in her mind.
- Only make dates with high interest girls. Girls that like you will show up on dates. They don’t flake, its as simple as that. Besides why would you ever want to be on a date with a girl that isn’t interested in you?
- Make concrete plans with her that are convenient for her. Don’t try to come up with some complicated elaborate date that is both confusing and mentally draining. Also pick a day and time that is convenient for her as well as you and you’ll up the odds that she will not flake on you significantly.
- Text her 1-2 hours before the date to let her know where to meetup. This gives her reassurance that you will in fact show up on the date. Hey! Girls also feel nervous and insecure before dates too. Also if she intended on flaking on you, she will most likely tell you right now to not make you waste your time going there while still maintaining face. You just saved yourself potentially several wasted hours by simply sending her that one text.
Flaking is part of the game and will always be there.
You just got to learn how to deal with it better and not take it personally.
Believe it or not, but sometimes its not personal, just like how one of my dates got her phone snatched from her while sitting on a grabbike on her way to our date.
If you keep your cool, you can more often then not turn things around and get her out again if she is indeed interested in you.
And if the Vietnamese girl does flake on you, just know that she’s doing you a favor because now you can go out there and get yourself a much better women that not only shows you respect but also wants to be with you.
To read more about how to ask a Vietnamese girl out and up your odds of getting a date click here.
Learn where to take a Vietnamese woman out on a first date in this article here.