Dating

A Vietnam dating scam tale and what to learn from it

Backstory

This Vietnam dating scam tale takes place in the mid 90s. I was still in school and had my first taste of algebra. Getting with a girl was the least of my worries, instead I needed to get good grades or I had it in for me at home.

But my uncle on the other hand was determined to find love, even if it meant traveling thousands of miles away.

He was your average mid 30s blue collar worker without much schooling nor experience with women.

Since the time I remember first meeting him over here in North America, I never recalled every seeing him with any girls.

And at the time, I didn’t realize how bad the gender ratios were. I was just a boy just struggling to make it out alive in middle school.

In addition, he never seemed quite as smooth at talking with the ladies as my old man did, since my father was always the more social and outgoing one in the family.

But suddenly one day his love life changed for the better, or so he thought.

One of his close colleagues at work, just introduced his wife’s sister to him.

She was a university educated girl from the countryside from what I heard.

I remember seeing a small Polaroid photo of her one time when my uncle came over to visit.

She looked alright I thought at the time, but nothing really special but apparently my uncle thought she was beautiful.

After getting her number and talking with her a few times on the phone, she had managed to get her claws onto him.

One day my father heard from one of my aunts that my uncle had lied to his boss that my grandmother was sick in Vietnam and that he needed to take a month off to take care of her.

So just like that, he bought a plane ticket to Vietnam with the intention of marrying this chick that he knew nothing about.

In his mind, he thought he had found a goldmine.

Young, pretty, educated, and she liked him!

What a great catch right?

My father thought otherwise and chuckled at my uncle’s foolishness.

At that time, my uncle had a falling out with my father, and unfortunately for him, my father wasn’t there to watch his back and set him straight.

But I doubt even if he was there to advise my uncle, his advice would have fallen on deaf ears.

It was too late for him.

He had already been seduced by some chick that he never even saw before (they didn’t have videochat back then).

A month later, he returned back home and announced to everybody in the family that he got married in Vietnam, and was in the process of sponsoring his new wife overseas.

My father shook his head in disbelief at the naivety of my uncle.

All of my relatives could see what was going to happen, except for my uncle.

He was still looking at his new wife through rose colored glasses.

Soon enough, his wife had arrived in North America and the wedding proceeded as planned, along with a big extravagant wedding banquet at a restaurant with an MC, and all of the trimmings. His new wife was also kind enough to demand that he purchase her a giant diamond ring, along with gold as a wedding gift to her.

For that brief period of time in his life, he seemed to be floating on air, and even managed to patch things up with my father.

But unfortunately trouble soon struck.

Now I don’t remember what all the facts were because this happened decades ago, and nobody ever brought it up again with my uncle because of the shame and lost of face he suffered but if I can recall correctly the story went something like this.

Soon after getting married (apparently after she knew she no longer needed to be married to him), his wife started to try and cause trouble at home, always trying to start fights out of thin air. Then one day she just vanished.

My uncle later discovered that she fled over to her sister’s house.

He tried to go over there to look for his wife and beg her to come back home but she would have none of it, and soon demanded a divorce.

After several more attempts at trying to get back together with her without any luck, he was forced to get a divorce with her.

She didn’t even return the diamond ring he bought her nor the gifts.

Instead, she walked off scott free and was granted a divorce, along with having him support her for several more years, and citizenship!

My uncle on the other hand was forever a broken man, never to give love another chance again.

Vietnam dating scams: man sitting down with a beer in his hand

What Did He Do Wrong?

Now let’s go back and analyze what exactly he did to screw up so badly.

He rushed into get married with some stranger that he knew nothing about

When your desperate for female attention like some hungry starved animal that hasn’t eaten in days, you tend to do highly irrational things like go and get eloped on a whim with a complete stranger despite all of the warning signs being present. He was way too thirsty and desperate.

Here’s what he should have done instead:

  • He should have taken his time to slowly get to know his wife.
    • What was her personality like?
    • Did he see them being compatible long term? They say it takes something like at least 6 months before you really see the true colors of person. Its easy to put up a fake front in the short term, but much harder to keep it up in the long run.

He didn’t do background checks on his wife and her family

When your planning on marrying and especially if you intend on sponsoring them over to your country via a spousal visa of some sort, you really need to make damn sure that they don’t have baggage or other nasty surprises waiting in the closet.

The last thing you want is for some lover or child to suddenly pop into the picture right after you got married and she’s now living in your home. Also she or her family could be up to their knees in debt, hoping you’d now share the burden of their financial problems. A girl that is so willing to marry you in a whim like that, most likely has some sort of ulterior motive. In addition, he was planning on marrying and sponsoring a girl from a country known for having dating scams. Caution was completely thrown out the window.

Here’s what he should have done instead:

  • He should have did a proper background check on her. Just because your coworker is vouching for her, doesn’t mean she’s an angel
  • Should have visited her family and find out more about them through conversation, observing their behavior, etc. I later learned from my father that his wife’s mother was a scam artist as well, employing quackery in some sort of psychic business to take people’s money. If the mother is rotten to the core and has no ethics, what do you think her daughters are like?
  • Ask around the neighborhood about her
  • Make unannounced visits to her house if you suspect anything

He didn’t heed the advice of family members that were looking out for him

Sometimes despite what we may think, our close relatives and family members do have our best interests at heart. They may be able to see or hear things that we aren’t able to due to our clouded judgement and fixation on a particular girl. I myself also experienced this my first time coming to Vietnam and got nearly seduced by a conniving Vietnamese girl with excellent game. Luckily, my aunt was quick to snap me out of her trance and lay it to me straight.

Here’s what he should have done instead:

  • He should have listened to his family first and weigh both sides of the equation before fully committing to marrying the girl
  • He should have seek out relatives over here in Vietnam and ask for their advice to get a better understanding of the dating culture in Vietnam

He got greedy and went after a girl way out of his league

Vietnam dating scam: Vietnamese girl sitting in a car

Every guy always wants a 10 that is youthful, educated, and conservative, yet you have to honestly ask yourself whether or not your sexual market value (SMV) also matches hers? When your going abroad to look for a wife or girlfriend from a poorer country, you can usually do a bit better then back home, however that doesn’t mean that you can start hooking up with supermodels or actresses just because your a foreigner. If your a fat slob, making a middle class income, and you lack game, you’d be delusional to start thinking that you can start bagging yourself dime pieces. It just doesn’t work like that in life.

Here’s what he should have done instead:

  • Should have been more reasonable in his pursuit of a partner and looked for someone more along the lines of his level in terms of education, finances, etc.
  • Should have dated around first before deciding on which girl to marry. This would have helped him build an abundance mindset instead of a scarcity one, thereby freeing up his mind to make more rational decisions

He didn’t screen his wife

Learning how to screen a girl properly is extremely important if your looking at settling down with her at some future point in time. Just because someone introduces some girl to you doesn’t mean she’s a good girlfriend/wife candidate. You still need to screen the girl properly. Its about having standards and seeing whether or not she fits the bill.

Here’s what he should have done instead:

  • Screen his wife. Should have taken more time to discover her personality and lifestyle. Is she smoker or heavy drinker? What does she like to do for fun in her free time?
  • Should have developed a list of qualities that he wanted in a wife and then compare it to her. You shouldn’t go and get eloped with any girl just because she’s a female. You need to consider whether or not she herself is also a good catch.

He put all of his trust into his work colleague thinking that they had his best intentions in mind

Sometimes those people that we think that are our friends are in fact one of our greatest enemies. I learnt this lesson a few years back after I had a falling out with someone who I considered my best friend since childhood. Before listening and following the advise of your colleagues/friends/etc, think long and hard about whether or not what they are advising you is really in your best interests. In the case of my uncle, they saw a fool that could be easily manipulated and taken advantage of to get his wife’s sister a green card abroad.

Here’s what he should have done instead:

  • Should have consulted with multiple friends and family and then make a rationale decision
  • He should have thought what was in it for his colleague and why did he choose to introduce his wife’s sister to him as a potential suitor

He let his scheming wife manipulate him into falling into her trap

girl holding a blanket

He became a pawn to his wife and her family’s long thought out plan to get her citizenship abroad. He wasn’t the brightest cookie out there and his lack of experience with women only made things worse for him when it came to the game.

Their well thought out elaborate plan included: finding some naive thirsty sucker, seducing him and quickly marrying him, while extracting as much resources from him as possible. Once the marriage was done, look for a way to get a divorce while still being allowed to remain there and getting alimony.

Here’s what he should have done instead:

  • Once he realized what was going on, he should have tried to control his emotions and not play into her game of lies and deceit.
  • He should have consulted with his family and thought out a clear plan of action on how to minimize the damage and maybe even give her payback by shipping her ass back to Vietnam, such as collecting evidence of her plans on using him for a greencard, speaking with a lawyer, etc. All of these things could have been used to help him out in court.

Dating Scam Prevention Tips

Vietnamese girl in wedding dress

Look I get it, I’ve lived in a crap hole before where the ratio of males to females was completely out of whacked and the men were complete doormats, and loved to ass kick females, further raising the value of females and making dating even more harder for all guys.

As men, we all yearn for some female companionship.

We were programmed this way and can’t fight it.

However, before diving head first into a pool full of sharks, we need to think long and hard what are the consequences of our actions and whether or not there is a better way of getting what we want out of life. There’s simply no excuse for being this thirsty.

Now in order to ensure that you don’t up the same way as my uncle did, Here are some Vietnam dating scam prevention tips:

  • Question and be extra cautious around girls that immediately fall head over heels in love with you. A girl that can be smitten with you with the snap of the finger can easily do the same with another guy.
  • Be careful of girls that are ready to marry you in a heartbeat. Unless you look like Chris Evans and have a body like Adonis, girls aren’t going to be suddenly compelled to marry you based on attraction. Love takes time to develop.
  • Never rush into marriage with a girl. Take your time to date around and select the girl that is most compatible with you. A Vietnamese girl that loves you for you, won’t mind waiting. A girl looking to scam you on the other hand will quickly disappear to look for another victim.
  • You should always try to introduce your girlfriend or fiancée to your friends/relatives before getting married and look for their opinion about them. Your friends/family that have lived in Vietnam their whole life can give you perspectives on things that you wouldn’t have otherwise known about, such as warning signs to look out for.
  • Always keep a mental note of yellow/red flags in the back of your mind that you observe from the girl. I remember once when I brought a girl back to my hotel on the first night and we were getting down to business, she mentioned that I didn’t need to use protection. That immediately to me was a huge red flag and disqualified her from marriage and any sort of long-term relationship with me.
  • Try to determine what the financial status of your fiancée is before tying the knot. You don’t want to marry some Vietnamese women that has a huge amount of debt and is looking to use you to help her repay those debts off.
  • Don’t marry poverty stricken Vietnamese girls unless you plan on living in Vietnam with her. A lot of these girls will marry a guy for money rather then love.
  • Be reasonable in your expectations of what you can get. Look at your age, status, game, looks, etc and compare it with the girls that you want. Does it seem reasonable? A 50 year old 300lb beer belly bald fella living off paycheck by paycheck should not be going after young 22 year old university educated import car models. A 38 year old nail salon owner on the other hand is more within reach.
  • Be cautious of people that want to introduce girls to you unless they are really close friends or relatives. I once had a woman that tried to introduce her 18 year old daughter to me because she knew that I was from abroad. I wasn’t really attracted to her daughter so never followed up with her after 2 dates, yet the mother hounded me for weeks to get with her daughter, no doubt because she wanted her daughter to have a better life abroad and I was the meal ticket to making that happen.
  • If at any point in time, the topic of money comes up, you should consider jumping ship.
  • You may even want to throw a few tests to your future wife to see how genuine and authentic she is. If your planning on bringing your wife back to your country of residence, tell her that you don’t intend on leaving Vietnam and see how she reacts.
  • If your rich and loaded, never let in on this fact. You can tell your future wife that you make enough to support yourself and that she will have a roof over her head and food to eat, but don’t tell her about the mansion that you live in, nor the 2 yachts that you own. This is just stupid and asking to attract gold diggers and trouble.
  • And lastly, never marry a girl working at a bar period! Leave that white knighting non-sense for some other tool that’s looking to have his life turned upside down. Its not your job to “save” some broad from her life choices.

Conclusion

Despite Vietnam developing rapidly, there are still an abundance of poverty rampant throughout the country. This has lead a certain percentage of the girls developing malicious intent on scamming naive foreigners for financial gain.

In this article, we looked at how my uncle became a victim in a Vietnam dating scam and what you could learn from his mistakes so that the same fate doesn’t await you.

In addition, I discussed several different dating scam prevention tips such as holding off on marrying a girl right away, doing background checks on her, being cautious about dealing with girls that fall head over heels in love with you at first sight, and to never mention money when dealing with girls, among other things.

Hopefully you were able to learn a thing or two from my uncle’s mistakes that ruined his life.

The thought of even dating nowadays sends a cold chill down his spine.

Let me know in the comments below what sort of dating scams in Vietnam that you encountered yourself.

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