Let’s face it, getting cheated on sucks ass.
One minute you think this girl is your everything and the next your whole world comes crashing down on you, leaving you with immense emotional heart-throbbing pain that just won’t go away no matter how many beers you down.
The only thoughts that are filling your head at the moment is how she’s getting stuffed by another guy’s package.
You start replaying back memories about all the times you spent together which also makes you question aspects of the relationship.
How long has she been cheating on me for?
What did I do wrong?
Why did she decide to cheat?
Doesn’t she love me?
It’s enough to drive a guy insane!
I remember I used to have an old classmate who I first met back in middle school.
He was Vietnamese, got decent grades in school, about average height, and used to love parading about how many girls he was seeing.
Now, you would have thought like me at that time that he was a big time player and had serious game.
But ironically, he got cheated on.
Not once, but twice!
In reality though, he was not as good with women as he would lead you to believe.
Both of his ex-girlfriends were Vietnamese and raised abroad aka. Viet Kieu.
I can still remember that time his last girlfriend cheated on him.
I was studying for an upcoming test at university and he called me up one evening.
He was nearly on the verge of balling his eyes out, telling me how painful it was to get cheated on by his ex-girlfriend.
I couldn’t help but feel sorry for the guy.
Cheating unfortunately happens sometimes in relationships due to a multitude of reasons.
Sometimes those things are under your control, and sometimes they aren’t.
Its just comes with the territory of dating and relationships.
But there are certainly things that you can do though to minimize it.
On today’s article, I’m going to be discussing why cheating happens and what to do when your Vietnamese girlfriend is cheating on you.
Faithfulness Red Flags
Girls Personality and Upbringing
There are certain girls out there believe it or not that are at much higher risk of cheating on guys compared to some others.
A girls personality and upbringing can significantly increase the risk of her cheating on her partner.
I was unfortunate enough to have met such a girl back when I was studying in university and even dated her for a while before I found out her true colors.
She had huge insecurity issues and thrived on receiving attention from men. In addition, she had issues with her father and loved to go clubbing and drinking.
What she told me and what she actually did was also contradictory.
And despite her best efforts to present herself as a wholesome conservative girl (which was how I got fooled initially), her behavior said otherwise.
She was definitely not girlfriend material.
How are some things that put a girl at a much higher risk of cheating on her man based on her personality and upbringing:
- Has a high sex drive
- Doesn’t see sex as a big deal
- Risk taker
- Westernized and has a liberal outlook
- Has a selfish attitude (taker vs giver in a relationship)
- Narcissistic and egotistical
- Has some sort of personality disorder (ie. borderline personality)
- Has daddy issues
- Family problems
You may want to ask yourself some questions such as these when evaluating the likelihood of your girlfriend cheating on you.
Does she have insecurity issues with her self-esteem and does she crave a lot of attention?
Is she naturally flirtatious with guys?
Does she participate in a lot of risky behavior?
How well does she get along with her father?
Her Lifestyle and Environment
Now in addition to her personality, her lifestyle and environment also plays a key role in the likelihood of her cheating.
Lifestyle and environment habits that increase the risk of cheating:
- Loves to go partying and clubbing
- Goes to bars often
- Drinks and does recreational drugs
- Excessive social media usage (facebook, instagram, snapchat, etc.)
- Overly attention grabbing provocative clothing (low cut dresses, showing a lot of skin, etc.)
- Loves to take vacations with her girlfriends or go alone
- Has lots of “guy friends” and doesn’t see anything wrong with that
- Has a history of having cheated before
- Is OK with casual flings and ONS (one night stands)
- Has friends have cheated before
- High sexual partner count
- Participates in hedonistic activities often
You may want to re-evaluate your girlfriend’s personality and lifestyle habits if you sense something is wrong and ask yourself some questions such as these:
Is she the type of girl that places herself at high risk places that tempt people to cheat such as bars or clubs?
Does she drink often? (A good excuse that a lot of women like to use to try and get away with the act of cheating and not take responsibility is to use the “I was drunk and had no control over my actions” card.)
Does she like to take vacations with her girlfriends or go solo?
What is the lifestyle of her female friends?
There’s a saying “birds of a feather flock together.”
If her friends are always hanging out at lush or one of the many skybars in Vietnam, there’s a good chance that she’s also doing it as well.
What type of people are her friends?
Has she cheated before?
Now, having one or two of these factors does not necessarily mean that she will cheat on you.
However, the more of these that she has, the more higher the risk that she will cheat on you.
Reasons Why You Got Cheated On
Didn’t Screen Your Girlfriend Properly
This point goes hand in hand with the previous point about red flags in a girl.
If you don’t select the right partner from the get go, you’ve got an uphill battle on your hands.
Ever hear the saying “You can’t turn a ho% into a housewive” ?
In the case of my old classmate, he made this mistake.
Both of his ex-girlfriends that he had were definitely no where near girlfriend material.
Girl #1: was flirtatious, self-fish, had a bad attitude, not trustworthy and loyal
How do I know this?
I had several classes with her and she even tried to put the moves on me, not to mention giving her number out to another classmate of ours!
He made a big fuss about it when he found out about the phone number ordeal.
Girl #2: liked to dress provocatively in skimpy outfits, had tattoos, went clubbing often, drank and took drugs, had bad attitude, and felt entitled.
Even one of our mutual classmates mentioned to me one time that he better be careful of his girlfriend otherwise she’s gonna cheat on him.
He just has a great eye for women right?
There are certain girls out there that would make great girlfriends and wives and then there are those girls that should never ever be considered for this role.
He messed up in his mate selection.
When considering to settle down with a girl, you must take your time and evaluate all aspects of her and not just her looks.
A lot of guys that first touch down here in Vietnam, immediately get hitched with the first girl that shows them some attention, usually a bar girl unfortunately.
Then a few years later, you hear them become bitter about women in general and swear off dating for good.
Its unfortunate because there are some really amazing girls out there, you just need to spend some time finding them and not being desperate to lock down the first girl that you meet.
You Act Weak, Overly Needy, and Controlling
While there are a certain expectations of neediness that your Vietnamese girlfriend wants to see from you in a relationship such as daily phone calls and text exchanges to calm her insecurities, take things a bit too far and now your in trouble.
She will see you as being overly needy, clingy, and weak.
Guys that constantly text and call their girlfriends multiple times in a day and chase after them fall under this category.
I remember back in high school, I overheard a classmate of mines complaining to another girl how her boyfriend was smothering her and being overly needy.
“Why does this always happen to me? Why is every guy like this?” She yelled!
There was another time when I was sitting on a bus and I couldn’t help but notice a couple.
There was a guy who was constantly reaching to grab the hand of his girlfriend and would always try to adjust his body position so that he would be facing his girlfriend the whole time on the bus.
Now as if this wasn’t bad enough, when we finally got off the bus I couldn’t help but notice his girlfriend walk ahead of him as he trailed her. He then ran right up to her to grab her hand as if like a child trying to to hold hands with his mother.
It was truly a pathetic display of neediness.
Being overly needy and clingy is a sign that your unsure about yourself and how you stand with her. Which in turn causes her to lose respect and attraction for you.
And once that respect is gone, so is the relationship.
Guys that know that they are a great catch are never needy and clingy because they know that she would be hard pressed to find another guy just like him.
In fact, since he’s such a great catch, she needs to keep eyes on him to prevent other women from snatching him away from her.
In addition to neediness, trying to control your girlfriend because your insecure with yourself is also a huge turn off for women.
By being afraid of losing your girlfriend and not allowing them any freedom, it causes resentment from your girlfriend over trust which ironically causes them to cheat as well.
Being Too Distant In the Relationship
Now I know I will offend some Vietnamese girls by saying this but a lot of Vietnamese girls are quite insecure and high maintenance.
They need constant attention and reassurances before they feel satisfied with the relationship hence the daily phone calls and text messages.
My girlfriend would always ask me if I like and love her.
If your the type of guy that is more laid back then you’d no doubt fall under this category or perhaps you listen to too much pick up advice on the net that tells you to always be alpha by not chasing your girlfriend and to act aloof instead, opting to let your girlfriend do the chasing to not appear “weak” in the relationship.
There’s a fine line between being seen as still an alpha male and not a supplicating doormat vs taking things too far and just appearing too aloof and unobtainable.
Like the guys that act overly needy and clingy, If you take things a bit too far on the other end of the spectrum and act too indifferent and aloof, your girlfriend will start feeling like you aren’t as devoted to her in the relationship as she’d like.
Which in turn may cause her to seek the comforts of another man more willing to commit to her.
Lack of Security and Certainty in The Relationship
She feels the relationship isn’t secure and certain, thus giving her doubts on being committed to you.
This type of scenario usually has some sort of power imbalance whereby she feels she is more committed in the relationship then you and that she can’t quite fully lock you down.
You might see instances of this popping up if your too much of a challenge for her to tame or there’s a lack of progress in the relationship.
Typically when a guy gets together with a girl, he’s usually content with where they are at in the relationship and its the girl that usually tries to progress things in the relationship.
An example of a timeline of progression might look like:
1-3 months: try to lock him down into a relationship
3-6 months: meet her friends and parents
6+ months: move in together or get him to make some other sort of commitment such as getting engaged
and so on and so fourth.
Normally if a guy is ok with her trying to progress things in the relationship then both parties are happy. However, if a guy is unwilling to move things forward with her then she’s stuck in a rut.
She may start throwing hissy fits and causing drama in the relationship at first to try and get the guy to commit to progressing with her in the relationship.
However if this still does not work then she’s left with no choice.
On the one hand, she loves the guy and wants to be with him, but on the other hand, she knows her biological clock is ticking and she needs to lock down a good partner before its too late.
So what does she do?
She starts looking for other options in case you don’t come through for her.
Sometimes it could be her way of forcing you to progress in the relationship and accept her terms or she could be looking for your replacement, someone whose more dependable.
She Met a Higher Value Guy
Maybe she met some new guy recently who she just clicks a lot better with plus he has higher value than you.
If your value as a male was already pretty low when you met her and you haven’t done anything during the relationship to raise your value, then your at risk of another guy coming into the picture whose a better catch then you.
This gets worse if during the relationship your value dropped.
Maybe you let yourself go during the relationship and never hit the gym again while continuing to stuff your face with pizza and pop.
Maybe you lost your job and are struggling to make ends meet but haven’t quite gotten over the rut yet.
Maybe your suffering from depression or something has changed in your personality and your not quite as confident and strong like you used to be.
Whatever the issue is, she knows that your value dropped and now that the new guy has suddenly showed up in the picture and he’s flirting with her non-stop, she can’t help by succumb to the temptation.
This is a classic case of female hypergamy.
She’s looking to trade up if the opportunity presents itself.
But of course she isn’t going to just flat out dump you and go with that new guy.
She’s going to start seeing him on the side first to give him a test drive.
Once she’s certain that he’s a better catch and is committed towards her, that’s when she makes her exit.
Its like the saying “alpha f*%$ and beta bucks”
This is why I always advocate working on improving yourself and to never take shortcuts like buying a wife.
Sure, you may be able to keep her by your side temporarily, however once she soon realizes what a low value guy that you are, and how you aren’t taking the necessary steps to rectify this, she’s gonna be out the door soon enough.
To Get Back at You
This is essentially revenge for something you did or maybe didn’t do that she wants you to.
Most likely scenarios are she caught you cheating on her with another girl and this is her way of giving you payback for the pain and suffering you caused her.
Or it could be that she asked you to do something for her but you never changed your behavior such as being too distant and aloof with her.
I’m sure you’ve seen girls try to make their boyfriends jealous before by using some dumb schmuck. That’s exactly this scenario in action, except she’s taken it one step further by actually committing the act and then later on letting him know about it.
Only Saw Relationship As Transactional
These types of relationships are actually quite common for foreigners that either choose to buy a wife instead of dating her first or they go to all the wrong places to meet women such as bars and clubs.
The women in these types of relationships view it as purely transactional and are only with the men for financial gain not love.
While your busy crying your eyes out after finding out that she’s screwing her secret lover in Vietnam, she doesn’t view it this way.
In fact, she’s probably sleeping with 4-5 different foreigners at different times during the year depending on when they touch down here in Vietnam.
This is why I advocate to stay away from gold diggers and marriage agencies that sell you mail-order-brides.
What Should You Do If You Catch Her Cheating?
Accept the Fact That It Happened
A lot of guys are still in denial after the fact that their girlfriend had already cheated on them.
Everybody would be telling them that their girlfriend cheated on them yet they refuse to accept the reality.
By accepting that it happened, it also allows you to move on with your life with or without her depending on which option you choose rather being stuck in limbo.
Reassess the Relationship and Why It Happened
If you don’t understand why she cheated on you, how will you prevent it from happening over and over again either with her if you choose to continue seeing her or with a future girl?
This is exactly what happened with my old classmate.
He never once looked back on why he kept on getting cheated on.
Things like not selecting the right partners (highly risky dating prospects), his own behaviors that cause cheating (insecure, controlling, needy, etc.) all contributed to him getting cheated on.
You need to seriously sit and analyze why your girlfriend decided to cheat on you.
Was it because of your failure to screen girls properly and poor mate selection?
Was it something that you did that caused her to cheat on you?
Did you fail to live up to your end of the bargain and didn’t meet her needs?
By understanding the factors that lead to this result, you can prevent it ever from happening again.
Prepare to Let Her Go?
After you’ve carefully looked at the reasons why she cheated, you need to decide whether or not you will forgive her and continue the relationship with her or to let her go permanently.
Is the trust completely gone from the relationship?
If you choose to take her back, can you trust that she won’t ever cheat on you again?
Will you be able to get another girl of similar quality as her?
Here’s a hint: YOU CAN!
Nobody can decide for you whether or not you should accept her back into the relationship.
Now I know there are probably some of you guys out there that are probably reading this right now and saying “Hell no, her ass is gonna be gone the moment she cheats on me!”
But until you’ve actually been in that situation, especially if you’ve invested a lot of time and energy into that relationship, it may not be quite as easy as you would think.
Sometimes, a lot of guys just can’t let go of the girl for fear of being alone and not being able to find another girl.
I remember my old classmate couldn’t let go of his ex until he was introduced to another girl.
But because he was so desperate and co-dependent on having a female by his side, everybody could see his insecurities leaking right out, including that new girl.
It was not a pretty sight and I wanted to slap some sense into him.
Follow Through With Your Decision
If you chose to kick her to the curb then follow through with it with full conviction.
Take all of her belongings and dump it in the trash and then show her ass out the door.
Then immediately start going out and meeting new women.
I know you might not feel like going out and doing it and you would rather be at home wallowing in self-pity but trust me, this will help you forget about her faster than you thought possible, especially if you meet a new girl that is higher quality than her.
Now if you chose to get back together with her, then you need to leave all of this behind you and forgive her.
Once you’ve forgiven her, its time to move on and forget about it rather than hold deep resentment and grudges against her otherwise the relationship is finished.
You guys will need to work out the kinks in your relationship and how to prevent this from ever happening again.
How to Prevent It?
I know, I’ve probably scared off half my readers by now.
They are probably freaking out right now and trying to see whether or not their girlfriend has any of the items from the faithfulness red flags list.
But don’t worry, if you follow these tips, then the chances of her cheating on you should be significantly reduced.
Select The Right Partner
Don’t just rush into any relationship or marriage with the first girl that shows you any attention.
Have standards on what you would like in a partner and then go out there and pick a girl that has a reasonable amount of those qualities in her. You probably won’t find a girl that checks off all of the items on your list, so you will need to compromise on some things.
Pick a girl that doesn’t exhibit any of those red flags that I mentioned above to reduce your chances significantly.
Things like : being overly flirtatious, clubbing and partying often, having had a history of cheating, etc.
Also you should consider picking a girl who you actually enjoy hanging around with and who shares the same or similar outlook and lifestyle as you.
Don’t just focus on looks!
Looks and beauty cannot makeup for faults in character and lifestyle.
I once dated a pretty hot Vietnamese girl that was tall by Vietnamese standards, had a huge rack, and also long silky smooth hair that ran all the way down to the middle of her back. She also did a little bit of modeling on the side.
Sounds like a great catch right?
The only problem was… she was spoiled, lazy, and also reeked of cigarettes from her disgusting lifestyle habits.
The last straw was me catching her not once but twice digging her fingers into her nostrils and flicking her boogers around in my house.
I don’t care how hot and beautiful you are, if you smell and your dirty and lazy, your ass is going out that door.
For you maybe hygiene may not be top priority and your much more tolerant of it then me, but for me personally, I can’t see myself being with someone long term that’s a pig.
I can’t tell you which qualities you should or shouldn’t seek in a partner besides those red flags that I mentioned because each one of you will seek out different things.
But just make sure that you do take the time to look for someone that suits your personality and lifestyle, it will help prevent a lot of the headaches later on in the relationship.
Provide Her With Security
Ask yourself these questions:
Am I giving her security in the relationship or does she feel that I am not fulfilling her needs?
Has their been progress in the relationship since we first started to date?
Is she complaining a lot about something?
Am I being too distant and aloof in the relationship rather than being attentive when she’s around me?
There’s a time and a place for being indifferent when dealing with girls, usually during the courtship phase. But once your past that stage and already a couple, you need to use a different set of skills to manage the relationship.
If your providing her with exactly what she wants in the relationship then there’s very little incentive for her to cheat on you.
Fulfill her needs in the relationship and you won’t ever have to worry about cheating.
Never Act Weak and Clingy
Nothing turns a girl off quicker than having no backbone and being weak.
This is why all those supplicating thirsty males that love to ass kiss girls never get anywhere with them and remain virgins all throughout their lives unless they resort to paying a working girl to lose their virginity.
Girls want to reproduce with strong males and have strong offspring, not weaklings because their chances of survival out there in the world is much higher.
In addition, being clingy and needy is a huge turn off to girls as well.
You should never make your existence on the planet about a girl.
Rather, you should devote your time and pursuits towards something greater that you are passionate about and would better your life such as starting a business, getting into the best shape of your life, trying to win a championship in a sport that love, etc.
Sure, have your daily phone call/text message exchange with her and give her that daily dose of attention that she craves, but after that’s done, you need to focus on you!
Never beg a girl
Never supplicate to a girl
She wants a man, not a boy!
Make Yourself Into an Attractive Male
If you never want to worry about a woman cheating on you then make yourself into a man that she wouldn’t dare cheat on.
Mold yourself into a man that all women wish they had by their side.
This means losing that tire that’s around your waist, throwing out that xbox and playstation you got at home, and working on developing your social skills and mental acuity to handle the toughest of challenges out there.
Do you think someone like James Bond or Brad Pitt would ever worry about women cheating on them?
They would go and replace her ass in a split second if the woman ever tried to.
Guys that are confident and have their shit together project an aura of confidence that is extremely attractive to women.
Wherever they go, it feels like they are ready to grab the bull by the horns.
Make yourself into the guy that every girl wants!
In this article, we looked at the Faithfulness red flags that predisposes a girl to cheating such as her personality, upbringing, environment, and lifestyle. The more of these that she possesses, the higher the chances that she will at some point cheat on you.
Next we discussed why she decided to cheat on you, and how you should handle it when you get cheated on.
Lastly, we looked at what you can do to prevent or at least minimize the chances of your Vietnamese girlfriend cheating on you.
Despite there always being a chance that you may get cheated on, If you pick the right girl, take care of her needs, and constantly work on making yourself into a man that she’s proud to have around her, your chances of being cheated on will be quite slim.